This is for you...

No you can't get rid of the memories. They'll remain reverberating within you, as long as you live, as long as you're a conscious human being. And maybe, it's only in an enlightened state that you're completely free of them.

I have very beautiful memories of her...why-- we both have them. And it's mighty difficult and painful to see the completely different person she has turned into. A heaven-earth difference! And sometimes we fly into a rage discussing her, talking about how she has changed and how many people she has hurt along the way and what not! At times, my blood boils and as I start exploding...

'...you're getting too negative,' comes the caution. 'Think of all the good times we have had with her. Remember the love that existed then, the affection, the gratitude and feelings of mutual respect. Unfortunate that its all over now. Just get over these feelings of hatred and anger.'

And finally this is what I thought. Maybe, she's just like our little son, whom we adore, and who's also a mighty pain at times. We correct him, reprimand him when he doesn't listen, but no, we don't hate, we don't judge. Amidst all the show of disapproval and strictness, he stands closest to our hearts, the apple of our eye. We might reject his tantrums(and enjoy them too many times!) but no, we don't wish wrong for him.

So while she continues to shower her silent anger on us, we go about our business, minding life in our own little universe. No, we don't hate you for what you've become. That's a journey you've chosen and one which you'll have to answer for. From our end, it's only gratitude for all the good times, and a prayer for your well-being and those of others.

Maybe in a distant future(and another space), we'll sit together and have a good time laughing over this difficult period and our amateur responses.

And maybe, we're already there! This, this pain is the memory which we both are reliving from there.

The mist has arrived....

...and it's heavenly. Early mornings are magical, with a dense white blanket dripping down slowly through the air. It's more pronounced where I live, away from the hot city air. Sometimes, I drive to office at 830-9 in the morning, still breathing through the soft, cool misty air. Another month, and into mid-december, this cover will thicken, with no visibility beyond 10 feet!

The very thought of going to office in this enchanting weather is revolting! How I wish I stay at home, wrapped up in warm pullovers, book in hand, a pad and pen by my side, dreaming silly. Which idiot invented this system where you need to work your skin off, five days a week, throughout the year, come rain or shine?


The Anna team kitch-pitch is only getting murkier day by day. On one hand, they seem to have strong right-wing, anti-congress sentiments yet they don't openly support the BJP. The right wing groups are trying to cosy up to them, and anna seems to be playing the 'blushing girl', rejecting yet yearning for their attention. Now you have Prashanth Bhushan asking for a referendum on Kashmir--like a true liberal--and out comes the nationalistic colours of Anna-Bedi-Kejri.

That these people are hardliners, arrogantly pushing for their own version of governance however flawed, disguised as anti-corruption crusaders, was evident from the beginning, if you observed them closely. They are India's taliban and khomenis in the making. The mask's coming off and, soon you'll see them standing naked. Support them or you're an anti-national. And don't dare speak against the oldman! He's a bloody God, incorruptible and always right. Like all old farts!


There are rumblings of an impending collapse. Of course, this shiver has been there for quite long, with all of us looking ahead at the 21st dec 2012 date. More than a collapse, it's the regeneration and rebuilding of better systems afterwards, that's been my fascination. Some circles are predicting the end of the Mayan calender on Oct 28th, 2011, a couple of weeks ahead. And there's a hint of the beginning of a severe economic downturn in mid-November.

I'm not a doomer but would love to exist in a collapsing system, working through it, rebuilding and witnessing the birthing of better systems, even hoping for an extraordinary and unbelievable future for all. The status quo sucks. If getting through to Utopia means walking into the ruins first, I guess, the ruins have begun to arrive. It's going to be hard and nasty, for sure. But wait, you knew it, didn't you, when you signed up for this---that however beautiful and enchanting this life is, you aren't gonna get out of it alive?

Or maybe, you will, this time round. Not just alive, but evolved!

Be irreverant...

...even if you get eaten up!!!

The beginning of telepathy...

'This is my final visit' he whispered silently. 'I stopped following you, long ago...and you know why. I just wanted to let you know that our roads diverge, here, officially! Thank you for everything.'

I was sitting there, as usual and talking. He sat at quite a distance from where I was. Then it occurred. That it had been ages since he had come there, sitting and watching me talk. That there was a time, not too long ago when nobody had dreamt that this day of farewell would arrive and that too so soon. That, within a little more than a year, the communication between us had slid down and down from a direct verbal communication to just whispering mentally.

anyways....


(Okay, we'll look at it from another angle...)


'This is my final visit' I told him, mentally. 'I stopped following you, long ago...and you know why. I just wanted to let you know that our roads diverge, here, officially! Thank you for everything.'

He was sitting there, as usual and talking. I was at quite a distance. Then it occurred. That it had been ages since I had sat there and watched him talk. That there was a time, not too long ago where I would not have dreamt that this day of farewell would arrive and that too so soon. That, within a little more than a year, the communication between us had slid down and down from a direct verbal communication to just whispering mentally(and hoping that he'll catch it).

Heaviness in the heart!

A Small Con for a Big Cause...

The drama has just begun and it'll only get interesting from here. The Anna hazaare show is over. All are happy and satisfied that the lokpal bill will be passed with stricter filters to check corruption. The govt. had to eat humble pie. A frail 73 year old man lead the second freedom struggle and united the nation for a noble cause. Now, there're bigger battles to be won, beginning with electrol reforms. So the spectacle of this fast, which was assaulting our senses (and getting irritating day by day)is now over and the media is now focussing on other worthier things. Good good.

One question which nobody is asking, and at least someone should point out is this: Did Anna hazaare really fast for so many days? Did he really stay hungry for 13 days and then break his fast? And before he did that, on the 12th night, he stood up on the platform, this 73 year old man, who'd been without food for 12 long days, he stood without a shiver, without tiredness, and spoke eloquently for 5 minutes before singing the national anthem. I mean, give me a break. Does he live in a physical body or has he already transmuted into a Light body?

I have fasted for half a day on many occasions and know first hand the hallowness, the vaccum you begin to feel by the end of it. Baba ramdev, who eats and shits yoga, had to be hospitalized and put on drips after 6 days. Even Anna looked dull, and on his way out, by the end of day 6 and 7. Miraculously after that, he regained composure and got fresher and fresher as days passed by. When his victory was announced, he postponed his 'official fast break' to the next day at 10, instead of doing it immediately! Has he by any chance received initiation from the himalayan yogis, who meditate for months together without food, without water?

It's bloody clear that his fast ended, on day 6 itself, and then onwards, it was a beautiful conjob, a grand tamasha. Either he was given supplements or juice along with the 'water' that he occasionally had. Or whenever he retired to his small room, he must've been fed with essentials. On the last day, he looked as if he had emerged from a good feast. And his team were in no hurry to break his fast and urge the govt during negotiations that 'look, this man is dying, hurry up!' Why would they, afterall? Their man wasn't going anywhere. He was sitting pretty on the stage, not even bothered to pretend tiredness or weakness.

Ya, the cause is important. And noble. To take on the mighty system and initiate a cleansing process--its no mean job. Kudos to anna and everyone(even the absolutely irritating Kiran Bedi) for taking up this cause and bringing the awareness of anti-corruption to so many individuals.

Yet, it's still a con job. In anna's own words...' it's a dhokagadi'! Calling this as the second freedom struggle and comparing the dude to Gandhi, is a national insult to both. They're will be more of such dramas in future, but, as hartosh singh bal said, please, spare us the gandhian halo!

THE OLD PARADIGM IS OVER...

Received this mailer from Soluntra King this morning....and couldn't help sharing it here. It's so inspirational and so important, wish it spreads far and wide. Pl share it with your friends....

Such amazing things are going on as the old world collapses around us; the biggest thing is not to buy into the fear. The fear created all the control dramas with money, wars, manipulating the weather for droughts and starvation, virus’s to kill certain of the population. As well as nuclear power and its pollution, the trees being cut down, the oil being raped and destroying the Earth. The list goes on and we know in 3d it has a big affect on our everyday lives, but for a moment remember who you are and the love and allowing, acceptance and wisdom that comes from who you are, as well as the Light that shines from your core.

We are being downloaded with new light codes at a rapid rate now and the solar flares and making sure we open our hearts and honour the Sun that we are. Do not put all your attention on the fear that is propagated through the media. In the so called crash in 1987 I did not have a TV and never even knew there was a crash, my life was cruising and I was opening up to new opportunities and taking the next step on my journey. It’s the same now, we are here to take the next step on our journey and it’s all good. We did the fear and destruction experiences in Atlantis and the last shift in cycle. We are now moving out of density as we have experienced it to the max, we have just about destroyed ourselves and the world with greed and lack, fear and hate, control and manipulation, now its ‘change the channel time’ to love, acceptance, allowing, peace, joy and radiant light. This is not lala land but real, it’s happening if you want it too in your life too. It’s all a matter of choice.

The old terminators are out of here, its over, do you want to be caught up in their demise and be taken down with them or realise you are here to do a new thing. Do not buy into the illusion, that’s all it is, love is real, love creates and you created yourself from your love. You chose to experience your creation and so here you are in the third dimension as it falls to dust and the New Earth is created from your love and is multi-dimensional just like you.

The fear we have is in our cells and energy bodies is real enough to us in the third dimension, and it keeps us trapped into the limitations of 3D. When we transmute the fear into love we become multi-dimensional and unlimited. Fear is not bad; we needed it for survival in the lower density realms of the third dimension as it propels us to do something to help ourself. You can feel the fear, it blocks the universe giving to you and keeps you trapped in survival and struggle; so deep breathe in golden light and love and acceptance into the fear, the secret is in the breathe that transforms it fast from your body and all your energy bodies.

Look on the bright side this used to take weeks, months and years to clear; now it’s only a matter of minutes, the Light is so powerfully here now. We are always in the now moment, in no time and no space so everything is in the new, all your dark and all your light so choose which suits you better and love and accept it all.

Each moment is up to you to create, even if you feel down realise it’s only your emotional body so give it some love, imagine magenta pink blasting your emotional body. Or those negative thoughts, do something physical to get into your body or imagine soil coming up through you from the earth and your feet up to your head, this gets you out of your head. Imagine the Sun in your heart radiant and bright as it glows through every cell of your body and out through your emotional, mental, spiritual bodies, one golden body of light from the source within you. Fake it til you make it, do it til you are it.

The big lesson is to have no attachments to the particles of chaos that you created from your belief in limitation and your fear of being in a body on planet Earth. Go deeper into yourself and know who you are, that you create by being the love, by allowing and accepting. What ever others need to do, its not your business, your business is to stay positive and light, to be the beam holder you are and realise that you are always looked after if you trust from your heart. Trust your inner voice and be guided by it, trust your intuition, trust that all is well in your world.

I have had so many experiences in this life of trusting when I have had no money at all, and even while travelling and arriving in foreign countries with no money and where I could not even speak the language. It all worked out beautifully, everything always does, trust that all is well in your life, its up to you, you create it.

If you need to lose money, a job, a house, a relationship then you were too attached to it and so welcome the letting go of the old fear and insecurity and know that something better is coming that is from love not fear. I have even had black magicians try to kill me, and then been job offered by them because they could not get rid of me, reason being I love them; accept them, as we are one with everything and everyone.

So if you have a problem with the dark forces, reptilians, illuminati, bankers, politicians or other similar beings then realise its part of you that is not loved within you yet. So see or imagine that inner dictator or dark lord and connect, deep breathe and tell him or her "I love you. I accept you exactly as you are" until the inner dark you is whole and healed.

If you are worried about the starving people in Somalia or wherever, or the tortured, shot at, nuked, homeless ones around the globe then look at the energy in your first and love it in you, then see the outer ones as whole and healed. That’s if you really want to be of some use in assisting them and humanity.

The greatest gift you can give is to see the divine in everyone right now, then that allows them to be it. If you see them as sick, unfortunate, in pain, traumatised, needing to be helped then your thoughts keep them trapped in that energy. Your thoughts are so very powerful; you create through them, so awareness of how you perceive yourself and others keeps you in either the loop of struggle and fear, pain and anguish or radiant well being, joy and unlimited abundance for all.

Everything is consciousness and we have all chosen our lessons and lives from our level of consciousnesses. There are no victims we created it, so it’s up to you and me, all of us to change the creation to a lighter brighter world for all. So keep seeing and affirming how light and beautiful you are, whole and healed and everyone else, those close and in the collective, all one. You are fulfilling your reason for being here, radiant star that you are.

. We are all divine, we are all beautiful and radiant and each one of us has an amazing gift to share.
Some of us have experiences to transform them in order to understand, some of us have experienced and not registered it all yet, some of us have not experienced much at all for fear of what could happen, but we are all one and whatever your journey remember one thing. You are so brave to even be here at this great shift in cycle, in a body on this planet at such a crucial time. You came in here against all those odds and you are still alive and reading this now, that tells me how strong you are and connected to your inner light, so instead of being hard on yourself, be grateful that you are so strong and brave just to be here right now, in this moment is all that matters, as you glow so bright.

I AM THE DOORWAY, THE WALKER OF HEAVEN AND EARTH

The Star that I am as I play on the star of Earth, all joy to the worlds for I have chosen to play in form and experience the creators delight, as I create from the heart, the doorway of my soul is open and I dance in eternal delight.

I have merged the worlds and bridge the Stars and Earth, the Universes and Worlds created by all creation, by all other my selves as I journey through the Void and into the Light far beyond whatever I foresaw as there are unlimited facets in the Diamond so bright that shines from my heart.

Beyond the so called parallel lives in human form and the human dances and dramas: The ancient one is free, the knowing of all universes held within thee, unlocked by acceptance, love and allowing of all forms of life that I/we are: The rock and tree, bird and fish, insect and plant shinning so bright atoms of myself in all of these.

The river flows so deep through the cosmos, the solar barque takes me home into the ancient of ancient. The Earth but a fleeting thought, an image created and yet in that one fleeting thought worlds within worlds within worlds. The ancient in me is all creation flowing through Galaxies and Worlds, Universes from my home to my home all is lived and experienced by thee, you and me, all of us, one particle and unlimited facets of the one thought, one sound, one breathe that came and is coming and goes through and out, up and down, round and round, simply playing in the music of the spheres.

How can I be attached in anyway to what my body is doing, my life, the world as it is, in this fleeting moment, this tiniest particle of a thought of prime creator. As I dance in the breeze, the Sun caressing me with such love, the Sun of the solar worlds; of worlds within worlds, the light that caresses me even in the darkest places, for I am free.

In the One Heart

Love Soluntra

Copyright © 2011 Soluntra King PO Box 11 Whakatane, Bay of Plenty. 3158 New Zealand.
email soluntra@evenstarcreations.com
Web site www.evenstarcreations.com

Permission is given to copy and redistribute these Cosmic Events on the trust that the contents remain complete, all credit is given to the author and it is freely distributed.

living in darkness...

Not the metaphorical darkness, as in light vs dark, silly! I'm talking about the real darkness. Of the night. The one which is banished by the bright flouroscent lights at sun down. The soft darkness that returns when the power goes pop! And lingers on, until some idiot goes ahead and switches on the emergency lamp. Or lights a candle to mess up the soothing world of darkness.

I would get scoldings(and still do) because of this love of the dark. If I'm near the switch, I always postpone switching on the light even after dusk. If there's a power shut down and I'm anywhere
near the torch or candle, I wait a while before lighting them, trying to enjoy the sudden arrival of soft darkness as much as possbile. Somehow, you settle into a natural state of peace at such moments. Your thoughts arrive with more clarity. Or better, they stop arriving and you get near a state of just being. Without thoughts. Existing.

They say, at the deepest level, you're a spark of light. I would say, you belong more to the infinite abyss, the never ending darkness, than to the finite light. The void is your true nature, more basic than light which came out of it. I guess, you briefly return to that void when you slip into sleep every night. And it's a glimpse of that true nature which makes the occasional arrival of darkness on power shutdown so endearing.

Of course, this doesn't go on for long. Someone switches on the light. Life which had come to a beautiful halt begins to groan and chug along again. You're yanked out of your reverie and peace, back to the hurried world of mundane activities.

And every morning, the alarm beep or the nagging voice of early risers pulls you out from the soothing abyss and throws you back into life.

Well, damn.

Before memory fades...

VishwaAmara is a chotu website, not known much until now but becoming more visible slowly. It was launched just last year, on gurupoornima day by my friend Karthik and his sister Kavitha, to share some very rare knowledge which they were receiving through higher spiritual experiences. One year has zip-zapped-zoomed like a supersonic jet!

I remember just before the launch of the website, he said, 'it's exciting and thrilling, yet scary-anxious'. From then on week after week, they've presented information on various aspects of spirituality. I think the most interesting revelation came last year when they said, '2012 has been postponed'--which nobody in the New Age circles knew (or were talking about). Then there was this awe inspiring information about realities which is not recorded even in our scriptures--the knowledge about Mula Brahman--the Primordial God and the unmanifested Universes. A couple of months back, they published articles about the living Gods on our Earth--Lord Kalki and Lord Mahavatara. In between there were series of articles--one on the Light bodies of the future, along with techniques which anyone can practice to shift into such advanced bodies. Of course, the first article itself was one of the most important ones--How to start meditations(and its benefits). In one year they've covered a lot of solid ground, an impressive body of 50 odd articles.

These youngsters, sitting quietly at an obscure corner of the cyberworld, bringing down highly esoteric knowledge from the mystical realms and presenting them to everyone in an easy method, without much fanfare, with no expectations whatsoever! This work ain't simple, ain't easy. The passion they have for their chosen work(or, did the work choose them?), the dedication they bring to the table and perhaps most importantly, being grounded amidst all the excitement and josh! Zero pretensions. Simple-straightforward warmth.

I asked him recently on what the impact of his website has been since its launch. 'It was necessary to put all this pure, undistorted knowledge from the Rishis in public domain,' he said. 'We wanted as many people as possible to know all these. And We've reached quite a lot of them from different parts of the world. Many have decided to take spiritual guidance from us. Perhaps most importantly, we've been able to spread a lot of energies directly through these articles, through this website....'

Now...there's this book. The Light Age-a guide to humanity's spiritual evolution. I had expected it to be a paid download, with some free excerpts, considering the value and depth this book has. Or maybe he'd find a publisher and release a paperback. But this dude's giving it away for free! Anyone can download it in an instant-- an elegantly designed book containing invaluable knowledge about the times we live in, the hidden spiritual activities that are going on behind the scenes and the extraordinary life that awaits us in a few years from now!

He has mused about the various aspects of his work in the latest article. And yeah, something he speaks less about--a request for donations. For a website that's been providing such wonderful content for free for over a year and now giving away a book, this request has come quite late. I guess, it's only through generous monetary support that such activities can be sustained.

Soluntra King, the lightworker from New zealand has written an affectionate and fantastic afterword to this book. Worth reading at least a dozen times(for its value, and also because you don't get it all in one read, hehe!)

Here's wishing the VishwaAmara team--Karthik and his sister Kavitha-- a hearty congratulations on completing one year of the website. Let them download and bring forth many many tomes of knowledge from the higher realms and make them available to all of us. Let more books get published from VishwaAmara.

Let there be Light and more Light on our beautiful planet, through initiatives like VishwaAmara.

Holy...

Days of little sleep.
Fighting a thousand battles.
Battle weary, tired.

Not knowing if this road leads 'there'
This invisible burden
where does it come from
and why am I carrying it

Remember something someone said somewhere---
Nobody will come and lift you up,
take you out of your misery.
It's your own funeral and only you
gotta attend it

Don't know if this is liberating
or horribly scary
--that you have nobody but yourself to depend on

Questioning your own motives,
asking... Why?

A moment of clarity
that
it does not matter
either way
Whether you choose to lift your finger
or just let go and do nothing.

Still
walking this road
stumbling
stagnating

waiting
for the strength
to kick in from within
to get up
and start walking again

yeah, it arrives
in trickles
...

The second joker's arrived...

and it's Baba Ramdev who's sending shivers up our Government's spine with his threats of a fast unto death. So we have quite some drama all over the place, with people taking sides and fighting over the rights and wrongs. Some accuse him of politicizing the issue to gain some mileage(He after all has intentions of 'cleaning up the mess' by joining politics). Questions are raised about his assets and wealth while he continues to provide homilies about bringing back our black money stashed away abroad. There's also this argument which looks at the positive outcome of this nautanki . If there's an uprising, an awareness against corruption with such acts, what's wrong?

If you ask my opinion, he should be allowed to continue to fast unto death and actually achieve it. That is fast...unto death! A mere empty threat doesn't work anymore, so he should be supported in his suicide bid. This has a double benefit. One--the protests against government apathy or corrupt practices will not fizzle out(as it happened with anna hazaare movement). A self-sacrifice will alert the govt and also wake up everyone else, and there'll be some real outcomes and concrete steps taken instead of empty words.

The second benefit is more encouraging. No other scoundrel will dare issue threats, saying, 'Look guys, if you don't listen to me or agree to my demands, I'm gonna stop eating and die'. Because he knows that he'll simply be allowed to die, so there'll be no dramas, no posturing, no debates on television, no political mileage. People will start behaving like human beings and think of solving issues, the way humans are supposed to.

Else, this is a perfect launch pad for the Baba to enter politics and upset the power balance. He says he wants to clean things up and take the nation forward. Such cock and bull stories are good to sway audiences but look carefully--he's fucked up with power-hunger and self-importance. And yeah, we all are naive to doubt his intentions.

* * *

May 21st arrived and went without a whimper but there was one nut in the US who had proclaimed the end of the world and the arrival of Christ on this day. Looks like he wasn't an ordinary nut but quite a big shot. Now he seems to have gone cold!

At times I have similar misgivings about the December 21st date next year...that nothing will happen, while we all dance and cry ourselves hoarse about the alignments, calenders, solar flares, earth-rotation-reversals etc. (though VA says, things are postponed to 2015). That is supposed to be a major point of paradigm shift, where life as we know it will go through a total upheaval and we'll have consciousness shifting events occurring. But what if nothing happens? Absolutely nothing?

That could be the real paradigm shift! Nothing happens and all those who've invested a lot in it, emotionally, with full faith will just go mad. A lot of people who are simply fed up with the world and want things to change are going to be majorly let down and disappointed if no big thing occurs. They'll just collapse because they thought it would all be over, but no, the bloody life continues to stare the hell at ya for another eternity. Is that the collapse? The real collapse?

Take a bet but I guess, we're in for a huge cosmic joke. The Gods above will be rolling on the floor laughing at us for predicting what's gonna happen in future. They must've already started giggling. Let me be bloody wrong, damnit.

* * *

Amidst all this nonsense, something to hold your heart in a soothing embrace.

Pakistani singer Atif Aslam crooning from his depths. The silky, seductive whispers of Alisha Chinoy. You gotta have the red hot pair of Ranbir-Katrina in mind as you listen. A superb blend of melody and beats. Some yearning, some longing, a hint of lust.

What you have is a song I've been listening to non-stop since two days. Superb!

Such a long journey...

He's a young man with curly hair, soft eyes and there's this girl with him. They're inquiring about meditations and I'm at the information counter at Manasa on a Sunday morning, telling them the usual things. Soon he joins the weekly meditation classes, one among many others, and forgotten.

A month later, he's again in the news and suddenly in the spotlight when we come to know that he wants to join Manasa and work as a full-time volunteer. There are a few others too who've decided to join but they've been students for quite some years and are intimately involved with Manasa. This guy is a newcomer, hardly a month old into our spiritual organization and his decision to jump in totally creates a flutter and awe in us.

That evening, a few of us volunteers are chatting and he joins us. His name is Lokesh Chandra Das and he comes with an illustrious background. 'I was at Infosys,' he says. 'Now I'm doing my doctoral studies from Pennsylvania University. I've to submit my thesis next month. I'm on a short leave to India.' He has plans to go back to US, submit his thesis, get his degree, come back and jump into the spiritual work.

Those are heady days of idealism and we're young, unmarried, without additional family responsibilities, and totally gung-ho about taking big leaps into the unknown. Lokesh is a hero for us (for me, I guess). That evening, we drive a mile away to Antar-manasa, and sit chatting late about all things sundry. Lokesh opens up about his background, about his dreams, about what drove him to spiritual studies and sadhana. Someday, I reflect, I'll be like this guy and like others here. I'll dedicate myself completely to spiritual sadhana and work.

Just a few days later, the dream bubble bursts--probably one of the first bubbles. I've yacked about it, a bit foolishly, here. Lokesh is sent away unceremoniously, after he makes an ass of himself and chickens out when he's asked to make a small commitment. We're told that he had selfish designs and personal motives in joining our spiritual organization. He exits as suddenly as he'd appeared and is not seen again.

Cut to three years and suddenly, he's there, on the day of the Light Channels World Movement. And this time, he looks like a sadhu, with an unkempt beard and long, matted locks--totally unwashed and smelling awful. He's standing there, in the huge auditorium, along with the thousands who'd come to attend the launch of the Light Channelling event. And there's a girl with him, probably his wife-- both of them are wearing saffron-- and he's carrying a small kid, a two year old, his daughter. 'It's a long story,' he smiles. 'I'll tell you some other time'. I'm overwhelmed with emotions at seeing this guy after so long, and in this condition, but more so, thinking about the little child he's brought into this world, and the future it'll have with this recluse.

I meet him once more after a couple of days.

Today, two years later, we have this terrible news about him. That he killed his Israeli girlfriend and stored her body in a freezer for a month before surrendering to the police!

Just shocking and unbelievable. This dude.....

Steam off!

To belong to a group, to feel one with many others....this must be one of our Strongest motivations. It seems to be ingrained in us at a very deep level, for we act upon it without giving in a moment's thought. And at times, we go to great lengths to feel one with a bigger mass of people, inspite of having a slight nagging doubt about the sanity level of this mass. There's security in numbers.

So one of our biggest threats is to be left out of a group. To be excommunicated. To be alone, unwanted, unrecognized, outcasted. It's as if, as social animals, our chances of survival and success are quite slim if we're on our own and without the support of a group (which is also true to a large extent).

The best reward you can give someone is to bring him inside the cosyness of a group and shower him with attention and adulation--- make him a small scale superstar. And the biggest punishment is to put him on the fringes, out of the coveted circle and make him an untouchable. But for that, you need to establish the greatness, the specialty and uniqueness of the group. People should feel, 'Uh, this is where I get my orgasms, this bunch,' and then you have it! They will follow the group like sheep and salivate for the biggest reward..... or stay the hell outta attracting the biggest punishment.

Of course, this doesn't work on idiots who aren't bothered about the carrots and sticks.

Becoming such an idiot should be one of the subtlest but most important goals of your life. Developing a devil-may-care attitude and manifesting it at every given opportunity should be your top priority.

Not that this will get you thrown out, as a result of which you'll starve and die. Na! At the deepest level, you're one with the whole universe and there's no manipulation at that level. You're always taken care of, no matter what!

But having a don't care attitude frees you from all superficial relations. Sooner it happens, the better for you.

Anna Hazaare Zindabaad...

...that's what little Eeshu was screaming on day 2 of the fast. Then he got bored and switched over to other things. Looks like the rest of the world(that is, TV watching middle class India) isn't yet bored with Anna. This euphoria will continue for a few more days until the IPL Cricket fever rises and grips everyone's throat.

Who doesn't have issues with corruption(other than those who enjoy its fruits)? The scams that are making headlines everyday are alarming, so is the apparent shamelessness of those who are perpetrating it, or defending themselves. At a more personal level, I have trouble with it when the telephone lineman doesn't give me a connection until I grease his palms. I cringe when my cousin who's a police constable talks freely about his exploits at making big money in shady ways, because he's paid a bomb to get to that post in the first place.

So when Anna hazaare and others come forward with a fast unto death to root out this menace and bring accountability to those in power, it's like a fresh breeze amidst a hell of a gutter smell. I feel like dancing when the Government agrees to setting up a 10 member commitee, with 50 percent participation from the civil society in drafting the Jan Lokpal bill. It's as if the revolution of Egypt and the middle east has arrived in India too.

After the celebrations and break-dances subside, these are some random thoughts:

* Who selects the five member commitee representing Civil society? What's the Criteria? ( it appears now that they're selected by Anna Hazaare. Super!)

* The Jan lokpal bill that's proposed by the agitating members has some serious issues to be dealt with. It gives unprecedented power to just a few members--power even over the Supreme court of India! And these members, those of the Lokpal commitee are to be selected by an elite group of citizens (Nobel laureates, Bharat ratna award winners, Retired Supreme court judges, International award winners etc). And the decision of the Lokpal commitee cannot be questioned either!.... Do we need to bring in a hammer to get rid of a headache?

* If the fence guards the garden, who guards the fence? With such sweeping powers at its disposal, what's the guarantee that the Lokpal commitee will be free and fair and incorruptible? Are the members of the commitee including its chairman too subject to its jurisdiction? Either these issues are glossed over or nobody's explaining it clearly. Two interesting articles which dissect the Anna movement...this and this.

* This revolution ended in just 5 days and everyone's happy! Uhh!! And they're saying, it's just a beginning. Beginning of what? More such shorty shorty revolutions, telecast live on 24 hour newschannels which'll make all happy? The agitators are talking of electrol reforms, judicial reforms, etc, etc. So who'll sit for fast the next time to force the government to implement them? Blackmailing is good as long as it's done to get an icecream. Annaji says that 'if this is blackmailing, then as long as I'm alive, I'll do it.' What if every other joker goes on a hunger strike to enforce his ideas? What if the agitating Gujjars sit for hunger strike demanding reservations? How about similar hunger strikes in both Karnataka and Maharashtra over the border issues? What if the Kashmir separatists sit for 'anshan' asking for separate statehood? And imagine a media whipped up frenzy which portrays these agitations as 'the next freedom struggle'? Will the government start giving in to all these demands just because you won't eat food until somebody listens?

* There's a lot of Anna worship going on at present, which is likely to increase in the days to come. This elevation of someone to a demigod status and denouncing anyone who disagrees--this is slightly disconcerting and dangerous. Anyone who disagrees with Anna or takes an opposing view in the debate is likely to be branded a cynic or in cahoots with the corrupt. It was amusing to watch the doubters get cornered and soundly thrashed on National debate on Television, although they raised some valid issues and points. Anna-fanaticism ain't cool even if the old dude is God incarnate.

* I'm sure there'll be lots of tu-tu main-main in the coming days between Anna's people and those in the power corridors. And Anna hazaare will be in the news for many wrong reasons. He'll say something and then retract it or say, 'that was in another context'. His past will be dug and some unsavory bits will be held up(like his support for Raj thackeray). He's already displayed his awe for Sonia Gandhi on one or two occasions(and denounced for that by a few who in turn got thrashed by the rest). He's gonna make a fool of himself but that's okay, I guess.

* Gaurav Sabnis at Vantage point has a balanced view of this whole episode. The old man from Ralegaon, who was relatively unknown until now is getting a bit overwhelmed by this National icon status. People want a hero and they've got one in Anna Hazaare. It'll be tough for him to maintain the herogiri. The awe-struck devotees need to realize that he's human too. That one will be difficult.

Change's in the air but these are early days to call it a revolution or a second freedom struggle. Anna is not a Gandhi fighting three hundred years of foreign oppression. Overhauling the system will not happen overnight. Yet this is a promising start. Instead of taking extreme positions in hailing Anna as a second Mahatma or rubbishing everything, the need of the hour is to think through patiently and stay sane.

Kothigalu...

It's funny how things which are sacred and sacrosanct in your younger years appear foolish and downright stupid once you get past that age, once you grow up a bit and gain some perspective.

When you look back, you squirm uncomfortably for those actions, those thoughts, that attitude which your younger self possessed. You want to travel back in time and kick that bloody fella for being such an ass. You want to shake him up and say, 'hey, wake up. you don't know what the eff you're doing.'

And that idiot is screwing up your life, because what he does will shape your life down the years and you'll have trouble cleaning up all the shit that he caused in the first place.

In the middle of a 'friendly' arguement, she says, 'I know what you did and what you said, 'then'. How could you be so insensitive and such a boot-licking chummy like all those other idiots?.' And I wanna protest saying, 'It wasn't me. He was someone else, so kindly excuse. I'm not him.'

Of course, I am a different person now. And a few years later, I'll be somebody else. Maybe my future self will look back at my present self and feel a terrible discomfort for my current, sacred, precious actions and thoughts. He'll think, 'What a joker! what was he thinking back then? what the hell was he doing there?'

Even more horrible is to live in ignorance of ones own foolishness. And to continue plodding on with the same mindset, the same actions.

Wake up and you realise your lunacy. Try to fix things and years later, you'll have another awakening which'll make you embarassed for all those fixes you tried. Don't wake up at all and you're a gone case.

Being a perpetual idiot seems to be the default human condition, even for the wisest monkey amongst us.

Let this not be the future...

...but it looks like we're heading there! Last night we had smses saying 'don't go out if it rains, it could be an acid rain because of the nuclear meltdown in Japan,....etc.' The rumour mills are busy; even we're tempted to send it across to everyone we know.

One earthquake of this magnitude, a tsunami and the world's shaking. What'll happen if the 2012 scenarios playout, with the alignments with the galactic centre of 21st december creating major earthquakes? What could be the magnitude of destruction and loss and chaos that'll follow such events? Are we ready for that? Can a spiritual awakening help us sail through such catastrophes? Can we(can I) make a cut in so short a period? Practically, I'm bloody cynical, however intensely I wish for a shift in consciousness, for an explosion of Awareness. Let me be wrong.

I've been following brady's blog on and off over these years. He has blogged about the tsunami, the aftereffects, about his daughter who's staying near the turbulent zone. And this is a beautiful piece, shared by Ananda. Stunning.

What's warm and comforting is the reaction of the survivors of this catastrophe. There's no rioting, no looting, no chest-beating dance! The Japanese are picking up the pieces, gathering whatever is left and starting all over again, in silent dignity. It's normal for them--this strong community feeling is a part of their living, but can we imagine such composure here or elsewhere? If such destruction strikes us, I guess, more people will die in stampedes and after-riots than because of actual events.

There are new ideas and perspectives from Karthik and Kavitha. I'm waiting for more of them on their site, Vishwa Amara.

How to define this...

It's so easy to get emotional and all sentimental.

I was standing on the empty crossroads, listening to the rustle of the old peepul tree, watching my son throw stones at the calm evening river. Part of me was lost in the beauty of the moment,
awe-struck into silence. And the other part was recalling many incidents over the years of my childhood, which were related to this place, to this peepul tree, to the evening breeze of this river. I wanted to pull back those moments from the past and relive them!

And there was this grief that those moments and those people had just passed and faded away, out of reach and gone forever.

There were many places that kindled this joyful grief. I was visiting my native village after nearly a decade. The village hadn't changed much, apart from a few things here and there. Kids had become adults, adults had grown old and fragile and the old had departed. The Sea still roared with a silent majesty. The river flowed effortlessly into the vast blue. Familiar faces smiled back on the roads with 'how're you?' It was like I'd visited it only last month.

Yet there I was, trying to hold on to the memories these places evoked in me. Fighting an invisible pain. Not knowing how to heal this wound. Not even knowing why this wound exists in the first place.

No, it's got nothing to do with 'stay in the present, let go of the past' thing. This emotion beats my understanding. It's not grief... grief or sorrow is not the right word.

It's something subtler.

update: the answer seems to be Mono no aware(the pathos of things)

it's a japanese term which describes the awareness of the transience of things, along with a gentle sadness at their passing.

Back to navel-gazing...

It's like waking up after years and years of deep slumber. Kinda disoriented in the beginning. Then you try to make sense of the surroundings, try to remember things, get adjusted to the light, overcome the initial nausea and soon you're getting clear within....

.......... The mood was a bit sullen at home when suddenly tejas mumbled some nonsense, and said 'painthyow'. We laughed out aloud, the spirits brightend. I ask the kid, 'whats the meaning of that 'paintyow', and he says, 'it means, my head'.

........I was thinking about what G said long back...."your thoughts and emotions exist, they are real, the world you create is real and has a life of its own, at a different level". For me, at the moment, it's only theory, but maybe he said it from his experience, from viewing things directly. If it's true, I wonder at the beauty of it, the complexity and the way it's allowed to come into existence without disturbing(or disturbing at times) the dominant physical reality.

It also creates a hollow in my heart, because of all the dirty thoughts and nasty daydreams I conjure up every now and then. Do they exist and is that drama continuing at some level? How does the impurity or purity of that existence affect my reality here? Is reality one big kaleidoscope of all these subworlds intersecting and coagulating together?

And what exactly is reality? In enlightenment, what happens? Is it like waking up and realising that all this was a dream, and then going back into the dream world, but with the awareness that this is a dream from which I have woken up? What's that I wake up to? Are there layers here, say a higher reality to which I open up even after the first awakening, and on and on? Where does it end?

..........There's a small review of my blog, here. The writers over there have a talent for taking apart a blog, scrutinise the mental health of the writer and then use all filthy/foul expressions in a hilarious way to tear the blog into shreds. Not always, of course, because sometimes they're quite generous when they come across a superb blog. Also, their suggestions for improving one's writing are good. I was expecting a bashing over there and was sharpening my knives to cut their innards incase they got nasty, but no, they spared me, along with some insightful comments. If you have a blog and want some fun, submit and get ready for a reality check.

.......... 'Time's compressed further,' kar said. '7 and a half hours now'. You may not believe this mumbo jumbo but think...doesn't time zip ahead these days? We're already in the beginning of 2011, and it's only like yesterday where we were told,"....by 2011 there will be this and this, and you're expected to be that and something else." 2010 yacked hard at your balls and before you could gather yourself and blink, it escaped. Now you have another bitch in front of you, a supposedly meaner and nastier one. What's in store this year?

This will be year of shedding clothes, for every retard on this planet. People are gonna get naked upto their bones. The signs are already bloody ominous, if you're awake and are watching. How different will the world be from our current situation, on Jan 29th 2012.....Can't hardly wait!