Friday, November 17, 2006

First light........

Breathe in deep. It suffocates--the more I breathe, the more I feel I need the air. It's bone chilling cold... unlike where I was all along. What's that funny sound? I'm yelling...like all hell let loose. I try to open my eyes and lo! there's a blinding light. It hurts. Not like the soothing darkness I felt inside. I close my eyes tight and continue to yell, gulping all the air around me. Someone holds me close and for a moment I feel I'm back--back to the closed comfort. The light hurts still. No, this soft, warm thing wrapped around me doesn't match that warmth, that comfort. I want to be back there, why did I have to come out.....

Tightly closed eyes. Soft skin. You want to caress this small head with sparse hair but mom says, don't, it's very soft and delicate over there. The lips part a bit and he licks the air, closes his mouth in a pout. Opens eyes a bit, stares at you for a moment and goes back to sleep.

Yawn. My tummy's tingling. I open my eyes and immediately that face over there lights up. I hear funny sounds and whistles--incoherent language! Why can't they speak properly, as I heard them from inside? Aahhh, I'm parched dry, I'm hungry...

You can't soothe a baby with all your learned tricks. The more you try, the more he wails. You hand over the kid to the mother and immediately he's calm. As you watch him feed hungrily, you want to be there, in her place. You want to know how it feels, to become the food of your child, to watch him draw his nourishment out of your self. How does one feel holding a piece of life that one nurtured all along? You are envious.

' You too were pregnant at a deeper level,' She assures. 'I'm his mother only here, but somewhere deep down, we both carried him.'

I'm full. And slipping into a stupor. Those faces over there stare at me intently, beaming, smiling. I wish I could...yaawn...stretch...my...hands....and t..e..l..l.....t..h..e..m....

What wonderful comfort? We watch him drown into a deep sleep. What's he feeling? What do these sights and sounds mean to him? Apart from hunger-satiation, cold-warmth what else does he experience?

She's tired. It's late evening. You have to go home and come back to the hospital early morning. The day has been filled with a flurry of phone calls and wishes, visits by friends and neighbours. The rest of life is packed and kept aside for the moment. You can start unpacking the routine slowly but this moment is precious. You don't want it to end. You want to lose yourself into it, never to come out again.

As archana drifts into a sleep, she presses your palm and mumbles, 'Congrats dad.'

14 comments:

  1. I feel such an honour to comment first!

    CONGRATS!

    Loved the post...and your baby is A-DORABLE!

    And his hair...there is so much!!:-S:-p

    I pretty much had black hair when i first came out into the world, but it rubbed off in the crib over the first few months and grew back, a light brown...baby's hair is like peach fuzz...in a way.:-p

    Can I dare in asking his name?

    Lots of Love,

    Jen and Jassen

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  2. Congratulations.This is the most beautiful introduction to your child that I have ever read.

    Congrats to Archana and you!Do let us know what you name him.

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  3. Jen...Thanks a lot. Nice to see you in the comments section.
    Yes, it's a unique experience -- to become a parent. The feeling is yet to sink in completely and we're cherishing these precious moments amidst all the discomforts, sleeplessness(more to her) and anxiety. A child is such a delicate thing that you feel scared to touch it or lift it but still can't resist the temptation.

    We're yet to finalise on a name although we have a few in mind. Will definetly let all know.
    Love to jassen and your kittens.

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  4. Edu...Thank you. Will convey your wishes to Archana.
    The idea of this post is to ensure that my son is the world's youngest blogger(at day 1, ha ha). Maybe he'll read this post when he too starts blogging(or takes up some other super advanced technology 15-20 years hence). Then maybe he can apply for a place in the guiness!!!
    Thanks a lot once again :-)

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  5. What a breathtakingly wonderful post! Such insight and love! Thank you.

    And, of course, congratulations and many blessings!

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  6. Dear Vishu,

    Love & sweet blessings to Junior & Congratulations to the very Special Couple... Archana Vishwanath.

    You are the best when it comes to posting such delicate emotions in such beautiful POST. I like time & again to walk in the light drizzle of your posts. Good POST & Cute YOU! there re-born again. Nice to see the Extension & Continuity of both of YOU & also the combination lineage. Another fruit in the Combined Family tree, apple of all eyes. Cheers on getting promotion as Parent to both of you...

    As always
    Love & Light
    O
    :)

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  7. Nick...Thank you for the blessings. Shall convey all of this to my son once he grows up to the age where he can understand and appreciate.

    'O'...Thanks, for the love, appreciation and blessings. As noted by 'G', these moments are expressions of oneness and togetherness amongst all of us. Hope for many such moments in the lives of everyone in our Family.

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  8. Congrats!
    This passage is brilliant. it reminds me of a similar short story written by G G Marques.
    Happy parenthood.

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  9. Ahhh, such lovely news. And what a lucky child to have such a sensitive parent. I hope you keep that piece of writing saved for him when he is old enough to appreciate it.

    My good wishes to Archana, and congratulations to you both.

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  10. that's your baby boy, Vishwa.......
    Dad at last.......
    Celebrate and be merry ...

    Ash
    :)

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  11. Ooop I forgot to congratulate you
    Congrats to you Vishwa Daddy...
    Convey regards to Archana too

    :)

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  12. I can feel a proud dad in this post. Thanks for sending me the link. :)

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  13. Written Words Are Golden !!
    Just happen to read this again today ! don't know how it just appeared just in front of my eyes !!!, So soothing and refreshing to my being one of life time gift... OUR CHILD. You both are my WORLD !! perhaps , i have forgot , if i exit in my being or in this world ! Thanks a lot for writing and capturing it so beautifully. ... Lovely write up , i wish to say and have always been saying that you write well and i wish you all success in your writing skills. But, what i miss in your blog post are such moments in our daily life which i always felt nice to read. .... archana.

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