Reflective.....

Bewarsi is a lovely word which I remember using at a very young age. It means ‘lawaris’ or orphan----someone whose ancestry /parentage is questionable. Quite a strong word to address someone with. So you could imagine the horrified dirty looks one would receive by way of using this soft word. My mom would run behind us, broomstick in hand, whenever we abused someone calling them bewarsi.

Off late we use such cuss words in abandon, not to abuse or insult but with great love and affection. So God becomes God baddi maga (son of the gun). Jesus is a munde ganda (widow-lover) and immediately you have people who love him at my throat asking, ‘how can you use such abusive words for him?’ It’s as if Christ belongs exclusively to them and you dare not lift a finger against him. Take it to an extreme and you have hero-worship of movie stars and a ‘Satanic Verses’ earning a death penalty to its author.

Possessive love which perceives insults...or carefree love which accommodates! You know which destroys and which nurtures. How do you accommodate those who get worked up at your carefree love?  ‘Connect to your inner-self and you have all the answers’ is the most profound advice. I go within to connect but my inner bewarsi is in a deep slumber! The more I ping him, the more blankness arises so I leave it at that.

We are finally saying goodbye to our Car. And it’s not been easy! This maroon Matiz was a part of our lives for the past 8 years, standing witness to our joys and sorrows, a silent participant in the flow our lives. Giving it away is like giving away a part of your memory, a slice of your life-stream. There is heavy-heartedness! And I know for sure that the consciousness at the centre of this machine—the personality of this car.....it too feels, it has its emotions and language---maybe radically different from ours. Maybe it’s feeling down for leaving us, or maybe joyful for the next step of its life. Or maybe it is tired and worn out....and just wants to rest and let go!

I have a final theory about her....that she’s not one but two people. The loving, humble, ever-smiling and expansive-as-the-sky darling that I knew for long....that was one person. Then the scheming, arrogant, mean-hearted devil she became—it wasn’t the same person but someone else. Maybe a walk-in who kicked out the noble soul and took its place. Such a dramatic transformation, and you can’t help but think that the angel finished its work and left...and the devil took its place.

So while I love the angel, I despise the devil. Or...thinking about the devil makes my blood boil but the angel’s memories are soothing. Fucking duality!

There is an intense desire...to transcend the ordinariness of this life. To come out of the routine. To take a paradigm leap and look at life anew. To be free from the clutches of time and step into the dimension of Timelessness! To move from being a cog in the machine to becoming a co-creator of one’s own life! To experience pure Bliss! And unconditional Love! And one’s connection to the Source!

The desire is to do it NOW. Or rather, be all these....this moment!

Breaking a New Dawn...

I have a new ritual, off late.

 Every morning I wake up and ask, ‘What does today have in store for me?’ And sometimes that day springs up a surprise and knocks me down. As the new dawn breaks open, I go into the day with an open mind, without expecting anything....and many times get enriched. A new way of relating to life. And it’s totally refreshing!!!

There is joy in the air. A fun perspective for mundane things. Some of us meet online and make a laugh-riot over something or the other... like this. Come from joy, moment by moment. Share that joy with others and laugh endlessly. Madness...divine madness!

Tolle says ‘be in this moment....everything else is an illusion’.... and I’m beginning to experience it. Did not expect this new ‘me’...a few months ago.  So..... have stopped seeing where I’ll go from here. This moment is beautiful and it’s opening new avenues for me.

Grateful!!!

                                                          * * *                                                         

‘It’s my duty to tell you where you are going wrong’

‘You guys are not treating your elders well. How much hurt you’ve caused them and what karmas you’ve attracted?’

‘Why do you talk to your kid in that language? You should be speaking to him in ‘our’ language, isn’t it?’

‘These people, these new friends of yours....you don’t know about them’

‘And your writing.....you should write in this particular way...that’s what suits you and will make you rich and famous’

....Finally I said, ‘Dude, Just shut the f*** up and get lost’.

Then I tried to analyse why this person is still an annoyance in my life all these years. A kind of self-examination. I don’t go around telling others what’s wrong with them. Nor do I interfere in or dissect their family affairs. I’m unbothered about someone’s parenting skills, interactions or vocation. All my friendships are light and easy—we talk, laugh, message, chat, meet, exchange pleasantries and go our ways---without making any effort to improve the other person. This particular relation has been a headache and it’s amazing that I’ve put up with this so long.

‘Something’s within you.... some trait ...which attracts his energies. Check’. ....Mmmm. I have this slight desire to share, to lead, to guide. A kind of ‘I know something good here, and since you don’t know it, I wanna share it with you and help you grow’. A genuine wish to help others... but still a bit patronising. Is this trait pulling this great man towards me? Or any other unconscious pattern that still needs to be addressed?

I believe, and know to some extent, that things happen in such ways---there are no accidents.  Some people in your life are nothing but major lessons. Those unlearnt lessons manifest as these people until you learn and let go. Then such people detach from you and go in search of those who match their energies. Clear yourself first and you’re free of them!

So as I begin to love and accept these traits within me...I also thank this person for bringing me this lesson. I gently remove him from my life once for all and let him go his way, on his journey to learn/unlearn his lessons. Good bye to the old dross! And I continue to walk on the new path that’s opening up before me!

* * *

 A friend connects to me on face-book and I’m hearing from him after nearly 20 years! He was this gentle, studious, charming person and as I go through his wall and try to relate to the new person he has become, I’m pulled back in time to my high-school years.

That time of severe changes, a transitory period from childhood to adolescence. The start of stammering, of aloofness, of severe studies and ambitions of getting a rank at the state level board exams. The time of losing innocence, responding to the new changes in the body, the awkwardness. The time of learning martial arts, playing football all day long, learning to rebel in small ways. The friends of those years whom life pulled away in different unknown directions. The teachers and their everlasting influence. The humiliations, triumphs and bewilderments.

It was a bubble... a kind of cocoon we had entered before bursting forth into an unknown, dangerous world beyond the school years. A safe cocoon! And very similar to where I find myself in, right now!! This cocoon is safe now but very soon we will be bursting forth into a new world. An extraordinary, dangerous world pulsating with new possibilities and potentials.

That world needs a new heart, a pair of new wings. And this cocoon is the place to build them!

Helping Saint Nick...

 Nick is a blogger friend from Louiseville, US whom I know from my early blogging days of 2005. I've been reading his blog posts---regularly in the beginning and on-off recently. His 'too bad it's monday' jokes are a perennial favourite, which never fail to bring a smile even in my most strained moments. He blogs about his daily life, his rich memories, his views on current affairs, some family matters and not to forget, the adventures of his cat, Alex. When we had the Light channels world movement five years ago, I requested him to write a few words about it and he graciously wrote a post, attracting a stream of comments and responses. An endearing oldman, nonethless. Connected across continents through this medium of penning down our lives in words!

His recent posts had streaks of his failing health and family neglect... but even in the middle of the gloom and loneliness, he would unfailingly ignite a spark of life with a cheerful word or a positive twist. So when I went over to his blog yesterday, I was struck sad by his current situation. In his own words....'I am sitting at my desk, shaking. Earlier today I was cuddling with Alex—and crying. My life since early December has been a nightmare: continued illness (constant pain in my left leg), no caregiver (because Congress cut VA funding for the program), financial stress (I do not have enough money for more than 3 weeks food), and loneliness (I am rejected by my sons, not even allowed to visit my grandchildren) have more than taken their toll on my life. .'

 I donno in what way anyone of us here in India or anywhere else can be of service to Nick. His problems seem too numerous and enormous for any one individual to assist him with. The only thing that came to my mind was to send a donation to his account, and Just pray for him. Then, another thought...why not ask others also to do the same? Maybe my small contribution might not be of much help but a few more helping hands, and his burden might ease just a little bit.

 I wrote to him to confirm his paypal account details etc and he has put a widget on his blog, through which anyone can make a donation. Today, some of us contributed a bit(quite substantial for us, but maybe just a few hundred dollars in his currency). I request each one of you reading these words to checkout his blog, and if you feel inspired, consider making a Donation...any amount that you feel makes sense to you. Please!

You may use the Donate button on the top right corner of his blog page.(under the heading Gifts for Sometimes Saintly Nick)

 I've added a post on facebook, so please share it on your walls and request your friends. I've also pinged a few friends living in US to pool up some donations to help this bubbly old(?)man  spend his sunset years peacefully. Any help...even the smallest, would add up to give him the required medical care and assistance. Perhaps more than anything, the compassion and prayers of strangers would by itself boost his confidence and give him much Cheer and Joy. Thank you and God Bless!

*******

Update:  Heart felt thanks to some friends who have posted about Nick on Facebook and also have donated a bit.

 There was some expectation that many more friends would comment and also volunteer to donate! It takes some heart to feel empathy, to loosen our purse strings, but... as someone said.... Money should flow like air, like river through our lives. To receive generously from the Universe, we should also be generous in giving!!!

 Making a donation through paypal is slightly tricky, especially for a first time user. If you haven't used paypal before, and want to make a donation to Nick:
   1) Go to www.Paypal.com and create an account with your email id. Ensure that your name is the same as it appears in your bank account/Credit Card.
   2) Add your Bank Account Details or Credit Card details to your account (Login to Paypal and click on Profile)
   3) Wait for a day or two for Paypal to make a couple of transactions in your account.
   4) Then log into Paypal and Get Verified by entering the details of the above Paypal Transactions.

 All set! Now you can make transactions using Paypal. Go to Nick's blog, click on the Donate button, enter your paypal credentials, and you'll be able to make a Donation.

Embrace and Surrender....Love and Accept...!!!

Once I was very angry with a friend. In fact, I was boiling with rage thinking of all the drama and dance that was happening because of him, and also was upset with a couple of other losers. In that enraged state of mind, I wrote a mail to an agony aunt. I poured my heart out, asking for advice, solace, direction etc. More than anything, I guess, I was expecting some gossip from her and also a confirmation that ‘yes, this guy deserves all your anger and rage, so go on hating him’.

She gave a simple reply which knocked me off. ‘Love and Accept him, just as he is,’ she said. ‘He is your mirror. What you see in him is nothing but what’s raging on inside yourself. So just totally accept, love and embrace that anger. Surrender to it, within yourself, and you won’t be affected by the outside garbage.'

Did I take that advice to heart?  I tried...after much time had passed, to accept his shortcomings, as if they were within me. And there were other factors which cooled down my disappointment and rage towards him and others, but what she said stuck with me. It was bloody fascinating. Come across something that irks you, and instead of fighting it, just look within, see it there, love and accept it, and voila! You’re free of it. Mumbo jumbo!!

That it wasn’t mumbo jumbo and was something for real hit me when I was sitting across a job-interview table, nervously anticipating a volley of questions, wondering which was worse----not getting a job or looking like a total fool. I had attended nearly a dozen interviews by then and was beginning to feel that I’d be stuck forever in my former organization, unable to get out of the rut. The nervousness and anxiety was quite palpable. In one or two interviews, I’d managed to answer almost all questions but had lost out because of this lack of confidence and jitteriness. So there I am, fidgeting and worrying, and then I begin to breathe deep and say to myself... ‘it’s ok, this anxiety, this nervousness. I’m loving(?) it and accepting(??) it.’

It appears hilarious from here, but believe me, it worked! Ten minutes later, when I’m answering questions on how to test software and what’s the one great thing about myself and my organization and all such stuff, I’m leaning back in my chair, one leg over the other, ABSOLUTELY RELAXED, as if I’m the CEO of that company, looking at the two ladies who’re grilling me as if they’re nervous newcomers. How did it work, I have no clue. Where did the nervousness go? The fear of not making it? The anxiety of not knowing an answer and looking like a dumb idiot? No idea! Did that concept of ‘loving and accepting’ the fear remove all my jitteriness?  I don’t know. Even before the interview got over, I knew that I’d made it, and the offer letter would pop up any time!

That this practice of ‘love and accept’ is one of the strongest mantras...I have little doubt about it. There are countless incidents of people using it to overcome very strong traits within themselves. And it has worked miraculously in physical healing as well as in nurturing strained relationships. I was talking to a friend recently who said that a wart on the leg got healed in a day when he lovingly spoke to it, saying he had totally accepted it.

We live in a weird Universe where the laws are changing rapidly before we realise what on Earth is transpiring. One law which is a constant is the law of Love. Be in its vibrations and you’ve arrived home, irrespective of what adventures you’re having, in which corner of Existence!

Love and Accept....deeply! Anything. Everything. Wanted to just jot this down when I'm trying to move more deeply into this concept.

Stepping into a New World...

I stand mesmerised
at the blueness of her oceanic eyes
at the vastness of her heart's sky
and the lush greenery of her smile.
 I concede... 'Can't resist you, your beauty, your magnificence. 
your charms, I can't resist.'

 And Nature smiles back.
 'Watch your words, dude,
 for the energies have changed
 and the world has leapt ahead.
 You still hung on to old words?
and the same tired attitudes...?'

'What else to say, with what words', I protest,
'the feeling's the same,
unable to stop myself,
from falling in love with you'

She whispers: 'Choose.
Always make a choice.

'Say not, I can't resist
Say, I CHOOSE not to resist
and that makes all the difference.

'Make a choice always!'

And I go, 'Wow...!'

Sakhi and Vishwa

(These two characters came to me recently..... I did not create them. In trying to imagine what they would do and where they would go, this little piece of story emerged.
    This is the kind of story that I LOVE to read! And truly enjoyed writing this sentimental piece...
There is some reality here, and a lot of imagination. But somebody said once, that there's no difference between the two!! What you imagine is happening somewhere, so it's real. And what you perceive as real...from a height, it is no more than imagination. So here it goes....)

 The river Bhagirathi flowed silently, as if unwilling to disturb the sacred, sombre atmosphere of the ashram. Morning was dawning, the mists lifting over the landscape, revealing a cluster of huts in the middle of a jungle clearing. There was an unusually hectic activity that day-- some running around engaged in various errands while some sitting in silence, trying to stifle a sorrow, a volley of tears, with a heavy heart.

Sage Kanva was gravely ill, after months and months of sickness and suffering!

Sakhi walked up the small hillock behind the ashram which overlooked the valley. Away from the crowds of the ashram, away from the heavy melancholic atmosphere. She wanted to get away from everything, sit somewhere quietly and weep. Burst her heart open in Nature’s lap and wail her sorrows away. Unable to do it in the ashram, where she was supposed to be the strong one! Yet incapable of bearing the heaviness that was building up within. She quickly strode to the top of the hillock and walked towards the lonely tree at the edge of the cliff. There she saw him!  He was sitting motionless on a stone slab under the tree, eyes open and transfixed at the rising Sun far away in the horizons!

‘Vishwa’, she called out gently. He turned, and quickly wiped away his tears. Their eyes met for a moment before he looked away.

Why are you weeping, you thug, you must be relieved now? She didn’t ask. But her expression betrayed her thoughts. Vishwa smiled and stood up, looking away at the distant clouds. Then he turned. “Sakhi…the monks from Tibet will be arriving any moment. And as per their custom, they’ll not spend two nights in the same place, so they’re departing tomorrow, at this hour….” He paused, drew in a long breath and said, “I’m going away with them.”

It seemed ages when she again opened her eyes, and saw Vishwa bending over her, gently caressing her locks. She was lying on the ground, her head on his lap. ‘What happened?’ she mumbled. “You collapsed,” he said, “when I mentioned about the Tibetan monks. Are you not well?”

The total force of the situation blew through her and she wept inconsolably. Tibetan monks! They arrive when the head of the ashram leaves the body! What does it mean? Maharshi Kanva….? And this fool wants to go away with them, leaving me alone? She buried her face in her palms and sobbed…grief tearing away her feeble heart. The grief of the impending departure of a father figure. And the very thought of separation from...

A distant gong struck, breaking the veil of sorrow that had descended on top of that small hillock. It was a signal that the monks had arrived. Although all arrangements had been done to receive and accommodate them, Vishwa had to be at the ashram, to oversee the activities for the rest of the day. They stood up and he wiped her moist eyes with a piece of cloth.

“Why do you want to go with them?” she implored, almost begging him not to, her voice choking. His face was grave, expressionless! He turned and began walking down in silence, Sakhi following him. A cool breeze blew from the valley below, as if trying to caress, comfort and soothe her. They reached the flower garden and were about to turn towards Kanva's ashram when she abruptly held his hand and stood facing him.

“Answer me,” her voice shook but she was determined.

He looked deep into her soft blue eyes, which were filling up rapidly. Holding back his tears he said, “Because…… that’s my destiny.” And gently shook her hands off and walked towards the waiting ashram.

Into a new reality...

One morning I ventured out alone when my mother wasn’t looking.  We were living in a small hut at that time, just at the edge of the forest. The long winding path led me deep into the woods somewhere I hadn’t been before. Amidst soothing sounds of chirping birds, morning sunlight filtering down through the rustling leaves and a gentle breeze, what I remember most is that I wasn’t scared. For a seven year old kid, alone in the middle of a dense forest inhabited by wild animals, this comes across a striking, but no, I felt no fear, just an insatiable curiosity and an itch to explore. Then there, in the middle of nowhere stood the ruins of an old building.

Who would build such a structure right in the middle of a jungle? And why is it abandoned and falling in places? I wasn’t thinking these but trying to get in when I spotted a flight of stairs winding down into an underground cellar. I stepped down and walked into the basement. On either sides of a narrow hallway, there were small cave-like structures. And there I saw him! A very young man, with long flowing hair, in deep meditations. His body shone with a bright golden hue. He had the most divine smile on his calm face.

‘Come here,’ he gestured after opening his eyes. I walked towards him, as if drawn by a magnet and sat close by. He was tall, incredibly tall, even while sitting. ‘What are you doing here?’ he asked gently and I mumbled something. His face, his skin and that golden colour—I was mesmerised. ‘What’s your name?’ I asked him. He said his name, a very familiar one. Then he asked, ‘do you want to stay with me?’ I nodded. He closed his eyes and went back into his deep state.

I was back home before mother could notice. Barely able to conceal my excitement at the morning’s adventure, I tiptoed into the kitchen where she was busy with her work. ‘Where were you?’ She had noticed after all. I blurted out everything, not forgetting to mention that there were two playful dogs with that young man in the jungle. Then I said, ‘I’m going away, to stay with that tapasvi.’ 

Before feeding and putting me to bed at night, she gave me the scolding of my life. I was her only son after all, so why wouldn’t she be upset. But I was determined. Before drifting off into sleep, I noticed the blanket that mother had pulled over me. It was shining with a golden hue… the same colour of that young man’s skin!

***

What differentiates a dream from ‘reality’ is something up for debate. All dreams aren’t just chemical reactions inside your brain where your daily life is mixed and mashed randomly. And some say, your reality is nothing but one continuous dream but you’re unaware because you’re inside it, just like you wouldn’t recognise a dream as long as you’re inside the dream. Maybe it takes something like ‘stepping out’ to realize the dream like quality of our everyday reality. Memory doesn’t distinguish between the two. It takes both and puts them in the same storage place and retrieves it when you ask for it.

2012 ended like a dream and we stand on the threshold of a new year. Prophesies failed; the prophets passed over, as if to remind that no prophesy can withstand the super dynamism of the future. It’s tempting to make fun of all the failed projections, the visions of earth-standing-still, of people dying in the grand alignments, of a New Age starting right off the bat, of shifting into higher dimensions and Light bodies! Maybe the Rishis and God are rolling on the floor, laughing their guts out. Maybe Existence itself is suppressing a good laugh after tickling us with promises of apocalyptic, enlightenmentalism!  

Personally, I feel we’re at the beginning of an abundance! Both individually as well as at the societal and global levels too. Donno how this abundance will manifest and play out but I feel it’ll be beautiful, easy flowing and soothing. There’s darkness yet to reconcile to, anger yet to sublimate and wickedness still lurking within. But these shall vanish like evaporating mist when the Sun rises. We will receive the opportunities which elevate each one of us into the truly divine beings that we are. There will be newer realities and brighter playgrounds for us to indulge in to our hearts content. Light shall manifest in its highest glory on this Planet and we shall witness it, in our very lifetimes.

Here’s wishing everyone an abundant 2013! May this be the start of our unfolding divinity and magnificence. May we be guided to discover our purpose and also be blessed with the passion to pursue that purpose. And may we all come together, in our own small ways, to share our gifts, love and happiness.

May the Light shine and radiate through each one of us!