Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Who am I ?

Yeah, it's something that's amused me over quite a long time and one which continues to intrigue me. What is my true identity? Who am I? May be everyone of us would've asked this question to ourselves at sometime or the other. Such penetrating questions become more glaring at times of distress, and though most of us get over the itch to find the answer and usually get on with life, the question remains within, ready to pounce back on us at some other difficult bend of our lives.

This blog is a forum wherein we write about our lives--as much as we want, and in the way we want to. Sometimes we distort reality, add and make up facts, hide many things and present a picture of ourselves to the world out there. We are in a way putting up a front, wearing a mask for all to see, beneath which lies our identity. The same holds good for our everyday life though in a much subtle way.

I have various roles to play in my everyday life. I'm a son, a husband, a friend, an employee, a disciple, a common man, a blogger...etc. I cannot be the same person in all these roles. As a son, i'm quite different than what i am as a disciple to my master. I may not listen to my parents and disagree with their views but with my master, I've absolute faith and obedience. As a writer i'm different to the role i play as an employee. The committment and passion i have for writing is yet to show up in my job. Yet underneath all these roles runs a common thread -- the awareness that i'm the one playing these roles in this drama of life.

On a much deeper level, this question takes on very spiritual and mystical undertones. Last week i had a cup of tea at my desk, switched off the monitor and walked downstairs to the cubicle where mouli was working on a router configuration and talked to him for nearly ten minutes. Just two days later, i had to shut down the monitor and rush towards manipal hospital where his body was lying in the mortuary, waiting for his parents' arrival. All of us stood around his body engrossed in our thoughts, feeling a sense of deep loss. Mouli looked as if he was in a deep sleep and would wake up any moment. Rather his body was lying there, devoid of the life force that kept him moving for so many years. Who was mouli? Was he just a body that had stopped vibrating with life now? Or was he something bigger that had taken on this physical frame for a brief sojourn here? In my spiritual journey, I was acquainted with the idea that we are nothing but particles of consciousness, and that this body, emotions and thoughts were our faculties necessary to lead a life here. But the idea became deeper and intriguing in that instance. How was mouli viewing this situation? What could be his perspective? Is it possible to gain that view-point when we are alive in this body? Is that what the mystics call as enlightenment?

As I continue my life as a common man living with the mundane life, working against deadlines in order to earn a living, experiencing happy moments with loved ones, worrying about the uncertainties of life, shivering in the face of the unknown and dangerous, gaining courage through the encouragement of mentors, dreaming of reaching great heights, hoping, breathing, living and loving, one question still remains unanswered, and will continue to do so until i have a direct experience of the answer.

Who am I?


  1. I guess we all battle that very thought everyday.I have gone down that route of finding my purpose.I believe we all have a reason to be here.I now live my life to the fullest and do what is expected of me and what I think is ok to do, without questioning the purpose.

    If he has created us,he will guide us.

  2. My friend….you are there. You’ve hit the nail on its head. You can not but get the answer now. Keep praying….talk to God…ask Him that question. You will certainly get your answer. Let me tell you about me.

    If you had asked me the same question some 5 years ago, I wouldn’t have cared much. I would have dismissed you as someone crazy. 3 years ago…It made some sense to me, but I was an escapist. I preferred not to waste my time on such a “hard” question. A couple of years ago…the question made a lot of sense…and now…I almost have the answer!. No…no jokes here.

    I know that I’m a unique and precious creation of God, my creator. I call him my Father in Heaven. He loves me ,cares for me and has all the plans for me. Though I’ve found it tough to leave all my anxieties to Him…I’m doing it bit by bit as my trust in Him grows…everyday. He created me for a special purpose, though I’ve not understood all of His purposes for me…I’m not going to wait to live a life till I understand it all. I’m here on this earth on His purpose just like a gypsy. I know I don’t belong here, I’m living here in a tent…I don’t intend to build a castle here. I’m originally made for Heaven, to be with my Father, my Creator.

    You take care buddy, trust in the good God. He will reveal himself to you. Have HOPE. Christmas season is a season of Hope. God from heaven chose to born amongst us humans!

    By the way, I’m going get folks to answer this question. Hope you don’t mind.

  3. Hello:)
    I first have to say that you are a excellent writer, and second I'm very sorry for your loss, it seemed to be very unexpected. I've had a unexpected death of my brother. He for some reason didn't feel the need to exsist, and commited suicide. What he didn't know was that his decision made me very unhappy. I've wonder like you "why am I here on this earth?", but I'm finding purpose, and I'm happier. I wish you the best! and keep on writing! Take care, Elisa:)

  4. Vishwa ....hai da
    who am i ? had tortured and puzzled me for a long time.....
    i guess now i know a little bit of that answer.....
    experience i guess is the key to knowing oneself ....
    i liked the title so much da


  5. Vishwa,
    Since you asked, I'll give you my two cents concerning your question.

    I think that who I am is defined by what I am. And what I am comes down to the legacy I leave when I am gone. And I don't mean money, possessions, or memories. I mean the stuff that's still around when even all those who knew me are gone. For example, if I have a great-grandchild who becomes a minister and helps change hearts and minds for Christ because I raised my child to know God 50 years earlier- that's part of my legacy, even though no one knows it.
    Of course, this means that I'll never really know all of what or who I am. But, while I'm here, I try my hardest to be the best child of God I can be and try to build a better legacy for when I'm gone. And maybe, one day, towards the end of eternity, I'll get to find out who I am.

    Sorry if that sounds strange and mystic. I couldn't figure out a better way to say it. I hope it helps. Take care. -TJ

  6. Viswa,

    that I think is a seriously tough question..

    A different facade exposed in a different role .. and at a finer level I guess it's even more fine tuned in the same role , but to a different person..

    it's a journey ..

    great post as usual..

  7. Powerful post, and a very good question, one that each of us asks pretty regularly, but certainly can manifest itself more potently when dealing with the death of someone you know.

    I am someone who is here with a purpose in God's plan. What is that purpose? I'm not entirely sure I know that answer either, but certainly one short-term purpose is to provide you with support during this time.

    I will pray for you, that you may find the answer to that which you are seeking, and find the peace you seek in your heart.

    You are a child of God, and He loves you.

  8. After reading this wonderful post...I thought of this line "I've got miles to go before I sleep."

    I guess what I'm trying to say is we've all got a long way ahead of us...several experiences will teach us and help us...alot of time to discover ourselves..and maybe we'll never get the true answer. Maybe when we do, it is enlightenment.
    Whatver happens to us is for a reason...even if I'm gone was meant to be.

    I ask that question too..who am i? N I know that I'll never know...but I cant stop questioning or living and cant stop giving or stop being me..even if at times I may get disappointed with ME.

    I think all of us are unique and beautiful in our own way!:)

    Keep the faith!take care!:):)

  9. Hey Vishwa buds ....

    came to give u christmas love,, greetings and cheers for au and ur wife ...and ur family

    all will be well......we are there for too ....
    and just visit chez's blog too (i was touched)

    cheers and enjoy the reception
    take care

  10. Hi everyone....a belated merry christmas to all, and a happy new year in advance.

    Edu...I liked that idea ' if he has created us, he will guide us'. But the problem with us is that we don't remember this often. Thanks for reminding.

    Chez...Thank you for your concern and thoughtful expressions. And thanks a lot for writing about my post in your blog. It means a lot to me.
    Your ideas, though rooted in christian beliefs and practices, have a spiritual aspect as well. It's true, we are just gypsies on this earth, and our home is far away. But is it enough to just know this, believe this, and keep quiet? How far can religion, dogma, rituals, beliefs and holy books take us? I think this applies to all the religions of this world--hindu, islam, christian, etc. They can only give solace at the very best, and we no longer need solace alone. What we need is a direct experience of the divine--only that can transform us, and make us divine. Can your bible, or my geetha give this?
    When i was asking this question, 'Who am I?', I was referring to this direct experience of the 'I'. May be it didn't find a clear expression in the post. I think, only a journey into the mystical can give us the answer---no holy scripture or religious institution has the capacity to deal with this. Only sprirituality can guide humanity further, not religion. I will expand my thoughts on this some time later.
    My friends' death definetly shook me but i came out of the sorrow very soon. As an elderly person told me then, ' Life will go on.' Yeah, it has to go on.
    Thanks once again.

    Elisa....thank you for your kind words and wishes. I'm sorry to hear about your brother--it must've been a very shocking and devastating time for all of you. Hope you're reconciled with the tragedy. Take care and good luck. chez's post and liked it. He surely is a good guy, only we're a bit wicked and legpullers( haha). Merry christmas to you and all the best.

    Vanathi...welcome here. I love pics, sometimes they convey more than the words that accompany them.

    Tj... intersting thoughts you have. Will surely ponder over it. Thanks for coming here and leaving your thoughts.

    Bhanu...tough times bring out tough questions. Hope we grow up to find the answers. Thanks

    Andy...thanks for your prayers. They are valuable. Finding our purpose can itself be a life long journey. I believe, each one has a purpose and knows it at some deeper level. The difficulty is in bringing that out and understanding it.

    Ego...yes, i agree with your idea, when we find the answer it's enlightenment. We are seeking that enlightenment here and all are on the path leading towards it. Thanks for your thoughtful response.

    Ash...thanks once again. Reception was wonderful, just missed all the blogfriends there.

  11. Thanks Vishwa for your kind words.

    You said :
    "How far can religion, dogma, rituals, beliefs and holy books take us? I think this applies to all the religions of this world--hindu, islam, christian, etc. They can only give solace at the very best, and we no longer need solace alone. What we need is a direct experience of the divine--only that can transform us, and make us divine. Can your bible, or my geetha give this?"

    This is what I BELIEVE in. I'm sharing with you my _EXPERIENCE_ honestly, not just my THOUGHTS OR IMAGINATION.

    Yes...I agree with you that rituals, rites, dogma, beliefs will not take us anywhere.
    What HAS brought me this far is my personal RELATIONSHIP with personal relationship with Jesus. All the rest is secondary.
    Now...if you ask me how I got this relationship..its simple.

    1. Reading the Bible.
    2. Meditating on His words.
    3. Praying(talking) to my God, My Father, My Saviour Jesus Christ.

    And the obvious question you might ask is this..Does He talk back?. Oh yes...He does....very much. And that's how the relationship got built.

  12. "Who Am I ?" is not a question we need to ask but "why am I here" is easier tackled. We are all here for a pupose. Find that out. Happiness is when we find out that we make a difference in somebody's life! Mouli did it to you , you do it to someone else.
    When the fact that our days here is numbered is evident, its wiser we try & make an impact in the lives of at least a few of the many we meet.

    A little smile ,a little joy in the minds of those who matter to us, when they remember us, means, our life is fruitful.

    All the best Vishwa & a very happy 2006!


  13. Rashmi...Thank you for your thoughts. You've given me something to ponder over.
    I wish you a very happy and fruitful 2006. Take care

  14. Can we have a perfect answer for "Why am I here?" without finding an answer for "Who am I?". Just curious.