Life in a day....and a loss!

Ahem....the mood in the office is a bit easy today. It's friday and there's a feeling of relaxedness because of the proximity to the weekend. The employees are in an informal attire, walking around in a leisurely way, all smiles--an exact opposite of the monday morning atmosphere. Work appears more enjoyable and less frantic. Wish it were the same on all days! Or is it because i'm feeling good today, that i feel a relaxedness around me?

I need to go to the barber and get a hair cut this evening. Somehow, the hair cut never comes to my satisfaction, and for a week or so after a visit to the barber, i don't feel like looking into the mirror. Then the hair grows and fits well around my top-- for two weeks. The fourth week sees an overgrowth, again giving an uncomfortable feel, reminding me about a visit to the barber. Next saturday on christmas eve, we have our wedding reception party. So a week away from an occasion is the best time to go to the barber.

I feel helpless at some deep level. Things are moving fast and are happening on their own, pulling me along the way. There seems to be a loss of control. I'm in the driver's seat of my life's vehicle but the controls aren't with me. The vehicle is moving on its own. I'm a mere spectator. Why?

A Zen quote from a blog pops up from memory: "Don't hope for a life without problems. An easy life results in a judgemental and lazy mind. So an ancient once said,'Accept the anxieties and difficulties of this life'"
I mull over it and feel slightly comforted.

Coffee arrives. The young man smiles. I smile back and say, thank you.
The cublicle is beginning to get cold. Coffee is hot and as it slides down into my throat, i feel cosy. The taste is slightly bitter in my tongue but i like it.

The work load is less today and my mind drifts all around, sucking up bits and pieces of everything. Archana must be preparing food at home. Till yesterday she was a friend. Now she's a wife, and a part of my family. We have the same friendly equation between us but somewhere, the society makes us conscious of our roles as husband and wife in a very subtle way. We cannot be as we like. We need to do things for the sake of elders...She fits well without a hesitation although within, she's free and unshackled by tradition. But I can't! Everytime something comes up that doesn't go well with my beliefs i feel rattled. Why?

A shocking news! A colleague comes up and says,' Your friend, Chandramouli, who works in the network department... He expired today morning in a road accident!'

Half of the office is downstairs near the reception. Nobody can believe it. Mouli was run over by a truck on his leg. He got into an auto and told the driver to go to a hospital, half an hour away and on the way, due to heavy blood loss, he passed away.

Mouli is just 32. He was a softspoken, hardworking gentleman. We remember him as someone who was always ready to help anyone in trouble, and who would quietly exit once everything was settled--without bothering to hog the limelight. When i was desperate for a job and others were just talking, Mouli made arrangements for an interview, talked to the concerned people, ensured that i had more chances of getting an opportunity, and later on behaved as if he wasn't involved at all. It's difficult to believe that he's not there anymore. Death shatters our composure. It brings us down to earth, reminding us of our helplessness before unseen forces.

We are at the mortuary, waiting for the postmortem to get over. My entire spiritual family is here. My master is standing nearby. We are praying in silence. May his family find the strength to cope with this sorrow. May his soul find peace and tranquility. May the masters guide his soul into light.......