Life at the moment is.....

... a mix of many colours and tastes. It's a good roller coaster ride, and i'm unable to decide whether to worry, smile, cry, whimper or celebrate. Looks like it's better to just observe how everything turns out.

Got up at 5 today morning, after many months. Had a bath, meditated for five minutes, and gazed at the brightening horizons from my terrace, inhaling the freshness of the morning. Sat in front of the computer and finished half of the translation work before breakfast. The rest, i should finish by tonight and submit to the printers by tomorrow.

I'm made responsible for executing a particular testing process. All the other teamguys are on a different project and i'm all alone on this one. Feeling sort of lonely as well as confident. At the end of it you learn a lot and feel good if things work out well. Appraisals are yet to happen but stopped worrying about it. I don't give a damn anymore--too much load breaks the back and i'm not interested in taking on anymore worries. Whatever happens, i'm comfortable with it.

Archana is well adjusted to my family--infact, i'm more adjusted ever since she came here. We were into joking and pulling one anothers' legs before marriage and the tradition continues, even more ferociously nowadays. She wants to be more of a housewife than a careerwoman although she wishes to continue working--at least for the time being. We have very different aspirations than an average couple, and it's good that both are looking up towards the same path.

Last sunday was exhilarating. At around six in the evening, we all were huddled around my master as he spoke about the future, the course we're going to take, the dreams that need to be realised, our preparations, etc. We lost count of time as the life we all so longed for began to unfold before us. I feel humbled and blessed to be a part of this beautiful dream.

Watched two good movies---'The siege' and 'A civil case'. 'The seige' tells the story of terrorism in Newyork city and how the FBI and the Army clash against each other as they try radically different methods to bring the culprits to justice. It'S a kind of 'you ride a tiger and one day it eats you' story, where the distinction between the culprit and the victim gets blurred and you don't know who's who. The movie also portrays the dilemma and fears of a minority, which is the same all over the world, in every area---not just in terms of religion. Denzeil washington was awesome, so was bruce willis. Had seen this a long time ago on Starmovies, but yesterday managed to follow every detail, every nuance and every shade of this fantastic movie. 'A civil case' is a real life transformation of a cynical, corrupt lawyer who puts all his money, assets, friends, reputation and career in line to pursue justice---and truimphs. He loses everything materially and goes into debts but stays true to his heart and brings truth into limelight. It made me feel warm even long after the movie ended.

Everything in life is hardwork--atleast most of it. This i'm beginning to experience slowly. There's no goddamned free lunch here. If you want to stay in your job, meditate and raise your awareness, get a promotion, save time for yourself, get something done in the outside world or just sit and relax.....you need to earn it, hardtime. Sometimes you feel the oppression of some unknown force that puts you down and sits on your chest----you want to get up and move but can't. You feel helpless, but it doesn't shatter you. Somehow you cope up and comeback to the battlefield tomorrow.

My bookshelf is full of unread books. Added three books from the british library and one from a roadside vendor. I wonder when i'll find the time to read all of them.

Can you be blissful irrespective of anything that happens in life? Is it possible to be free from the effect of your emotions? Can you rise above them and look at them from a distance? Whether you encounter failure or success, boredom or exhilaration, praise or humiliation, loss or union---can you be equanamous in any situation? Can you keep your head balanced in great truimph? Or can you smile even in loneliness and downfall? Emotions rule our life, but is it possible to master them? Trying.....

Realised something that is of great significance for me. You are taken care of, no matter what. This is contradictory, i know, but as far as i'm concerned, everything exists in contradictions. Life doesn't break you inspite of a thousand lashes. Someone somewhere provides hope, shows the way and even leads you at times.

Life is a mother!!!