like....moving through a portal

 Suddenly I realise that, at the moment, I'm moving from one phase to another. I could've missed this realisation.

 And you look deeper and know that there are phases all over your life. Something ends. Something begins. It could be career changes. A shift from one house to another, one city to another. Moving out of school, out of college. Changing jobs. Ending friendships. Forging bonds. Building and starting something new.

 It's easy to feel sad and nostalgic for what you're leaving behind but I think one can say goodbye with immense gratitude and happiness. Give thanks for all the nourishment, growth, love, joy and lessons that the phase gave you. And let go before you move on to the new. Without bitterness or heaviness. Without emotional entanglements.

A new lesson learnt. Move through, without melancholy, with great Joy.

Let the River be...

 'I'm sorry eeshu....I scolded you the other day'

  'It's ok, dad. Forget it.'

 'No....I shouldn't have gotten angry at you. I feel bad.'

 'Then dad...Let's do one thing...let's sit in a time-travel ship, go back to that day, and make corrections there. Ok?'

This small glimpse...

I'm zooming back home on my two-wheeler...and the evening sky overhead is full of ripe clouds, threatening to burst any moment. Four in the evening and it looks like seven...a few drops begin to putter down. I'm dead tired and exhausted, wanting to reach home and collapse...and not get drenched without my rain-coat nor wait out somewhere if it starts raining. I look up at the clouds and send a silent request... 'Pls hold on for ten mins if you can, I'll reach home, pls'. And revv up the accelerator.

The drizzle begins slowly but I zoom through and soon enough I reach home. The moment I get in and park my two-wheeler, the skies open up and the torrents of water come gushing down!!! A lovely blast of rains for the next hour...thick sheets of water from the skies to the Earth. And there's only one thought in me....that small desperate prayer sent up....and the dark heavy pregnant clouds sprinkling a few drops for a while...and then bursting once I reach home!!! Coincidence????? My heart screams....'No! damn it...you were heard! They waited out for you!' And for the rest of the evening, I'm smiling in gleeful excitement, pushing back all rationalizations.

The next day I'm ambling in the morning park. The Sun is yet to rise and the whole place is one lovely green paradise, fresh from last nights rains. I turn a pathway and walk towards a cluster of trees. One tree stands spreading out its wonderful shade across a wide area...and I just look up at the branches....and a lovely breeze blows and the whole tree sways, its leaves murmuring. As if its saying 'hello, good morning!'. I walk ahead and there's another tree...and as I near it, the breeze comes again, and that tree too sways its leaves. Now, I'm curious....and I turn a pathway and walk to another tall tree which is a silent spectator. No shaking, no breeze and I smile up at the lovely giant. And suddenly the leaves begin to murmur and start swaying as a breeze blows in!!!

 I can't describe the bursts of joy I've been experiencing since this small conversation happened with Mother Nature...my very first to and fro! It's as if a small window has opened on my wall and I'm looking out into an entirely new world...a fascinating enchanting world, nothing like what I've seen and known until now. All of a sudden I'm a kid on the beach who has been struggling with the sand castle for a long time...and in an instant, the castle stands out perfect and I gaze at it, all dirty and soiled, beaming with pride at this very small accomplishment.

Yes...i know, all of this could be a beautiful coincidence. And if it ain't a coincidence ...and there's an other worldly explanation, these two experiences are pretty simple--not Earth Shattering! Nothing compared to the gigantic experiences and awakenings of many other lovely Souls. Yet....

....the unabashed joy and glee that's still inside me since this happened....these are my pointers. To what...I don't know. It's just beautiful.

That suffocating air at Ballal

One summer evening I’m having dinner with a friend at a restaurant. We are done with the starters and are waiting for the main course. My friend is about to launch his website...a small but ambitious project, and we are discussing the details, in between gossiping about all and sundry. A lovely evening, nice food, great ambiance...the gods are smiling...and suddenly, three people walk in through the door and slowly walk towards us.

I wish I could capture that moment of terror accurately in words, but it’s impossible, however much I try. A lot of background story is needed to explain ‘that moment’ and also bring out all the emotions that ran their course there. And it’s such a funny and hilarious situation, yet, at that moment, we were almost shitting in our pants, imagining a whole lot of possibilities.

The people who walked in were not mafia dons or police officers. In fact, one of them, an elderly man in whites, was one of the gentlest people I’ve ever known. And the two others with him were elderly people in their fifties...husband and wife. Regular people, posing zero threat or danger to anyone! They sat at a table near us and ordered their evening snacks.

To paraphrase...let’s say...the elderly man is a team leader...and my friend was recently ‘sent out’ of the team, and I’m a bloke who is still very much in the team. Now here I am, enjoying an evening meal with that ‘outcast(?)’ friend...and my boss walks in and sits a few tables from us...and looks around casually, with a sweeping gaze. For all his gentleness, the boss commands such respect and awe in the team that one gesture from him can throw you out...or can make the other team members completely shun you!!! And you’re someone who has recently committed oneself, emotionally and otherwise, to a dedicated stint in that team.

To say that the air suffocated that evening is an understatement. I don’t remember what we ate for the main course that day.

We waited for a while, expecting them to finish their food and leave so that we didn’t have to encounter them on our way out...but they looked totally relaxed...kinda settled down in their chairs for the rest of the evening. After some deliberations, we got up and walked casually towards the door...and, out of obligating, greeted the trio at their tables. Everyone smiled and greeted one another, spoke gentle words....full of fake social gestures while carrying exactly opposite thoughts and emotions within. The lady....she was authentic...perhaps truly spiritual. She turned her face away grumpily without acknowledging our presence and we walked out, feeling like we had just walked out of a lion’s den, alive!

Two weeks later I tell this to archana...and she’s horrified. ‘Why the eff did you go to that restaurant...out of all the thousand eateries in Bangalore, when you know that He loves that place. Now...apply oil on your body and wait. You will be called and skinned alive in a meeting’

That skinning alive never happened, although a very milder version was attempted some months back, for a related reason. And the terror, absurdity and hilariousness of that evening ...they still remain fresh--- and will probably stay etched in memory along with all the beautiful moments that were spent with Him. 

A year gone by...a year to commence

There’s a small church next to my house which witnesses simple gatherings every now and then. Christmas and good Fridays get crowded when quite a number of believers gather and create a fair bit of ruckus. Some weeks ago on the night of Christmas eve there were a few volunteers working together, making fun and gently pulling legs, cleaning the place, decorating and preparing the place for the next day. Their laughter and joy, the camaraderie....it brought back gentle memories of a bygone era, of friends, of moments which had a unique flavour!

2013 has been particularly cold...and unusually warm too...metaphorically. A good deal of chilled aloofness came my way; and as if to compensate it, there was a rush of love and affection. Old friends reunited through facebook and some existing friends stepped away. I took a couple of leaps, was cracked open at times, surprised myself....and before I start romanticising about it all, I realise that these things keep happening, year after year, with almost anyone. But hell, wasn't this year a terrific roller-coaster ride with some paradigm shifting perceptions! And I’m noticing the changes so keenly, only now!

I hardly blogged in 2013. Kinda more active on facebook where the response is immediate and the conversations are terrific (and terrible too!). On my blog, a few posts here and there were more like article imitations. By definition, a blog is a chronicle of your life-- your day to day life, your thoughts and ideas, the events that touch you, which you consider worth writing about. It’s your diary which you share with the world. So it's been a while since I blogged....or faithfully jotted down my perceptions and experiences, ‘as they were’, without decorating them with explanations.

I wanna change that in this year. Wanna flow out, uninhibitedly, through words. This year, I sense, will be magical in many ways. I want to look beyond the veils... encounter the present moment totally....touch the mystical. Maybe I’ve already touched it, but am bloody unaware of it here... ‘am a donkey’, as someone self-reflected. I want to connect to the miraculous and get ‘switched on’. Literally!