Now.....

A great explosion awaits.
There are faint hints-- a clue here, an assurance there.
A mild fear that overwhelms at times.
But what shines through all of this is a tremendous hope for an extraordinary tomorrow.
I thought I was a worm, but no.
I thought I was a miserable fly but no.
What I am is beyond any thought.....

Life has fallen back to the same routine but now it's different. I follow the daily ritual--get up, rush to office, test code, try to understand more
than what I need to get the job done, get thrilled occasionally amidst getting anxious and bored, return home, play with the kid, discuss things with archana, watch tv, hit the bed..... Nothing seems to have changed. But still there's an undercurrent of a fresh outlook. A new confidence. New perspectives. The 'I'm different from what I was until now' attitude. A positive arrogance that's creeping up slowly!

In between, I manage some time for Meditations, for a quiet contemplation and browsing through a few books.

Purchased 'Tipping point' and 'Blink' on the roadside--for a throwaway price. Will get Gulzar's biography today evening. And waiting for 'The right to write' and 'Radical simplicity' from the couriers. When will I read all these? Starting today!

Found something simple yet unusual. All the kids in our family are comfortable with Dad, but not a single one with Mom. Even Tejas follows this trait. Dad picks him up and takes him for a round in the evening--he babbles, smiles, splutters or just watches everything around with great curiosity. Mom can't do the same with him. He grows restless within a minute if she holds him. Not that this bothers her. She's more than happy to be the strict one whom everybody fears or watches.

You can either do something or not do it. No other way. Looks stupid. It also implies that what you can do or can't, is largely dependent on your perception of yourself. If you think you can wake up early, meditate intensly, open up your faculties and enter samadhi, if you think you can leave your dreary job and become an entreprenuer or become financially independent, if you think you can sit down and write a fantastic story/novel, if you think you can learn how to stand in front of 1000 people and deliver a stunning speach, if you think you can make a list of the most fabulous places on earth and visit them all within the next five years, if you think you can discover your purpose and spend the rest of your life living that purpose instead of fantasizing about it....... You are right. You can do it all. And if you think you can't do these and other things? Or worse, you're too lethargic or occupied otherwise to even think of these possibilities...............

Look deep into the kid's eyes. He too does the same. No movement from either side for quite sometime. Then a faint hint of mischievous relaxedness on his face. Look down and a water spring arches into your shirt. A smile on his face.