Saturday, June 10, 2006

Will way out.

A statue of a very great saint sits on my table. When I'm reclining on my bed with my back against the wall, reading or just contemplating, my attention goes there, towards his face. It isn't the same face everytime. The expressions change. Sometimes there's an amused look. Or an annoyance at times. Or a benign smile. Sometimes, a feel-sorry-for-you look. Maybe those expressions reflect my moods.

I feel my kid's heartbeat against her belly. It's if he's very busy and restless over there!

There's a guy in my team who's a bit aloof and silent. He's in his seat before anyone of us reach office, works hard, contributes well to the success of a project--but he gets no salary of all of his efforts! He's doing an internship for the past 10 months.

When he joined here, it was made clear to him that internship doesn't guarantee a regular job in the company and that he'd be getting no pay during this tenure. His status was supposed to be evaluated after 6 months. Perhaps he could've been absorbed subsequently but for his bad luck, our company merged with a multinational recently. The new policies prohibit any more additions to our team.

Last month, when he was told of this, with a suggestion that he could discontinue if he wished to, he said, 'What will I do sitting at home? It's better to work, with or without a salary.' If someone resigns from our team, an intern can be absorbed and made a regular employee. Until then...!

I wonder at his state of mind, his motivation, his silence, his life.

I get irritated and shout at Mom. Her face shrinks. Within a minute i apologize--very sincerely. She's still hurt but says,'Okay, leave it.'

It's in the past and I'm trying to stay rooted in the now. But the memory still pricks.

Arrogance! How do you deal with it? In yourself. In others. Simple. Pay no attention. Ignore. Then what!
Life is too short yet so vast to be wasted away, paying unqualified attention to self-obsessed morons.
Let me think something good instead.

Notes to myself.... learnt from hugh prather.

Morning eight to evening eight--I'm at the office. From evening to the next dawn, at home. This pattern repeats 5 days a week, throughout the year, maybe for the rest of my career in IT--if nothing major happens otherwise.

This could be the pattern for many of us. Earning a living and coming home to get relaxed, unwind, get rejuvenated. Plan a bit, dream a lot, go back to the churning mills, come home again. Take a break in between, go on a vacation. Watch movies, read books. Make friends, argue, fight silly, console, patronize. Pursue goals. Get bored. Take risks. Feel inspired, sad, happy, alive......sleepwalk through life.

Wake up early. Go to office. Come home. Sleep. Wake up early next day. Fill in the blanks between with numerous addendums.

Retire one day. Go to the graveyard, somewhere down the lane.

Need to rise above this mundane existence. Need to go beyond the gross. Need to Search, Find, Grasp, Become.....

Will surrender. Will allow this to happen.


  1. Ah, Hugh Prather. I remember him from when I was following the Course In Miracles. Good to see he is still around. Always enjoy your writing Vishwa. Thanks.

  2. Val...I've partly read his book--Notes to myself. That concept is very fascinating.

  3. Vishwa--I'm curious. How evolved do you think your soul is up to this point?? (If I can dare to ask...which i yup.)

  4. Jen...That's a whopper of a question. Haven't thought much about it.
    I'm following the footsteps of a very great master and i understand that only the really fortunate people come to my master. So i've been really lucky and fortunate to be in this path, learning about the mysteries of the spiritual world from an evolved person. Maybe that qualifies me to be an evolved soul of some degree, but honestly, i don't know!!

    Some of my fellow meditators are really evolved, and i can vouch for it, looking at their behaviour, their responses to situations and the kind of depth they touch in Deep meditations. My mystical experiences are really limited, but to quote eckhart tolle, ' Your responses to the toughest situations in life determine how evolved you are, spiritually---not the kind of visions you see or the no.of hours you sit with eyes closed.' On that scale, i've still a long way to go before calling myself evolved.

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  6. A needlepoint of Saint Francis of Assisi hangs on the wall of my study looking down at me. His words are on my desk where I can look down on them:

    Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
    Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
    where there is injury, pardon;
    where there is doubt, faith;
    where there is despair, hope;
    where there is darkness, light;
    and where there is sadness, joy.

    O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
    to be consoled as to console;
    to be understood as to understand;
    to be loved as to love.
    For it is in giving that we receive;
    it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
    and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

  7. Great words, nick. We need to be reminded of wise words every now and then until we ourselves vibrate and live that wisdom