Straight from the Gut...

 The continuous lashing of rains...the hissing sound...I just love it. Closing my eyes, I listen to the various textures and rhythms of rainfall, as late monsoons drizzle over my city at night. Then I realize---the sound and music of rains was humming in the background all along, only I wasn’t paying attention. I was lost somewhere inside my head. Now I listen, and the rains come alive.

 Something may exist or may not, it doesn’t matter. Only when my attention rests on it does it become alive for me.

***

You and I are living in a post apocalyptic world. The apocalypse was supposed to happen on 21^st Dec, 2012. And 2013 onwards, either it would be a desolate Earth or an enlightened world that we would inhabit. We should have been living in Light bodies by now!

Nothing dramatic has happened! Or has it? The Planet chugs on its tracks in space, as usual. Early morning brings the milk vendor to my doorstep. Similar events, people and situations cross my awareness through the day. Tiredness envelops me as I embrace the night.

This wasn’t what we had signed up for! What enthusiasm, hopes and dreams we had about the spectacle of 2012, for nearly 3 odd years! And how passionately we believed in all that drama! What an utter flop of imagination!

I wanna believe in mystery and magic again. I want to encounter the miraculous. Not the mundane ordinary everyday world, but something transcendental! Something sublime! Don’t want this slow transformation....want a quantum leap...a total paradigm shift...a sudden makeover into an entirely new world!

***

‘You were on a runway for 3 years,’ I told Karthik. ‘Now you are taking off!’.

 Yes, Karthik’s small dream took off, with a workshop. Three years ago, he started Vishwa Amara and began putting some wonderful knowledge online, through articles and two ebooks. There were students receiving spiritual guidance too. It was low key, kinda gathering strength, maybe.

Now he has stepped out. Conducted a meditation workshop, thrown open to any spiritual enthusiast. There were three dozen attendees. Some fantastic and new techniques to practice. A small event on a lazy Sunday afternoon, in a relatively unknown corner of Bangalore.

No...not a small event !!! This is a take off point. It carries huge potential. Like a stream which will eventually become a raging river, Vishwa Amara is now at a phase where it can become the focal point of spiritual seekers, all over the world! They have the knowledge, techniques and Spiritual contacts. They have the credibility, built up and nurtured over years. They are absolutely dedicated to their work. And...they are fantastically capable of guiding people spiritually!

Years later...this small workshop will be remembered as the point where Vishwa Amara opened up. I’m mighty happy for these two friends of mine, for the opportunities that stretch before them. And yes.... a bit concerned of the pitfalls that come with great work, great responsibilities and recognition. The pitfall that ate up someone who walked this path earlier.

If they don’t pay attention...it will eat them too!

***

How do you feel when you are at the receiving end of intense love? Tremendous passion...something like a single minded madness, but totally pure, totally sublime. Do you think... ‘Wow, what a gift from the Universe?’ Or do you think, ‘Do I deserve this? Can I take it?’

I feel both. And I also feel.... is it possible to offer such an intense, pure, passionate Love...to another human being? And if it’s possible...what a pristine pure heart it must be, which offers such love!

***

I still can’t believe that he is no more! Some people trust totally that he’s still around, guiding them---but for me, he is dead and gone. Like anyone else. It’s difficult to digest the fact that someone like him can be vanquished and taken away by Death!

At one stage, we were in awe of him, in total worship mode. Then as we understood his work, the awe turned to respect and reverence. I wanted to be like him, develop his strength, develop his capabilities at handling difficult situations, become expansive the way he was, carry the love and compassion that he had....

Then...he disappointed! Mightily. Like a very interesting movie which falters post interval and ends up in a stupid climax! You come out of the hall, weary eyed, with a bitter taste in your mouth, undecided whether you enjoyed the first half or wasted your day. You love someone, and that person flops, makes a fool of himself, contradicts himself---and you squirm, wondering, ‘what...’. You feel betrayed for placing your love, trust and emotions in that person. Think sachin tendulkar who gets clean bowled at the death overs, after painstakingly building a great innings...!

 People have very fond memories of him—memories filled with love, reverence and gratitude. I too have such memories, but they get clouded by something else. I try to remember his smiling, laughing, loving face....and his angry, stern face comes up. I think of the solid base he built up, the fantastic structures he raised...and they stand before me as empty, hollow, lifeless edifices Now. The diamonds he had gathered around him, those who had great capabilities, dedication and pure love for his work---I try to remember them. But the only faces I remember are that of the sycophants and devotees...who never questioned, who considered a kick-on-your-ass as a divine test, who had a boss-is-always-right attitude.

Then it strikes.... it’s a ‘last impression’ syndrome, about which I wrote earlier.

His Soul is resting in peace, I’m sure. Maybe he’s smiling, from wherever he is, at this drama, at the way he continues to affect people in various ways long after his departure. The drama has ended for him, but we are still stuck in it. And enjoying it, a bit!!!