Sunday, July 05, 2009

Tell me...

'Hi, moon' shouts tejas, waving up at the sky, at the golden plate behind the rushing clouds. 'Pappa, why does he run so fast?'

'Because his mom's calling him home. The milk's getting cold...'

Nowadays, we lookup at the sky more often than not, thanks to my son's celestial friends. I'll bring him out on the terrace for a late-night walk, and inspite of the city lights, at times there are a million sparkles up there, on cloudless nights. A few moments of gazing up at the spectacle and you can't stop wondering at the enormity of creation, at the immense endless void out there...and the relative insignificance of our individual chotu worlds. Awe-stuck at times!

We used to sleep on this terrace, long back, on summer nights. My imagination would soar at the sights of the clouds, stars, moon, the endless space. The puranic characters would emerge from some hidden corners and I'd imagine sage narada walking down on those fluffy clouds, singing devotions to his Lord, looking down on this world. Demons and devas would clash with one another, their weapons illuminating the dark night. I wished and prayed fervently for all of that to be true, and not just the result of fertile imagination of some long dead poets and bards. I wanted the gods, heaven, hell, apsaras, multiple worlds, everything to be very real--as real as my homework, bullying teachers and playground friends. I wanted re-incarnation to be a fact, just as Gravity was, thermodynamics was, calculus was. Maybe I was born somewhere in another part of this country, in my previous life and lived a different life. Done great things there, died a warriors death and went to the other worlds. There must be more to this world than this stupid everyday life, isn't it? Is there no mystery, nothing unknown? Why are billions of stars and galaxies hanging up there? Just to give us a good view on cloudless nights? If the gods and other heavens exist, why in all earth can't we see them? If there is a God, where is He?

It doesn't take much for the imagination to be pushed to some unknown corners of our minds. There are a million sundry things to keep one busy and occupied, so those skyward thoughts from summer nights faded slowly and were replaced with exam score cards, cricket match statistics and movie stars. God took an ardous journey from being a friend, to an agony aunt, to a criminal responsible for all of my worries, to just a stupid non-existent concept and finally invisible. Forgotten.

Of course He's made a royal comeback. And this time, not just as a puranic character. Slowly, very slowly, He has penetrated my life, in inumerable ways. Without a bit of a fanfare. As Hope. As mystery. As awe at life. As Silence and Wisdom. And in one beautiful moment, when I asked where He was, as a hint of a tremendous expansion.

And He still has a long way to go. I know the destination, where He becomes me. There, I'll know Him by direct experience, as I know anger, as I know lust, as I know fear. I will taste Him and then the mystery ends. Or maybe not. It could be the beginning of something else.

I'm on this journey. What's yours? Where are you headed?


  1. My search for a god has to dwell in the science of this world. The chemistry, the miracle of birth and regeneration, the wonder of carbon messages from many years before, the microscopic presence of molecules of messages. But, we may arrive at the same place eventually, you and I.

  2. Vishwa,
    So good to have you back:-)! My journey mirrors yours to some extent...but I suppose we will take different routes to reach the same place, as Tabor said.

  3. Excellent post, very well written, Vishwa my friend!

    I continue to be a seeker, even though my latest insight into God is that He is with me/She is within me. Believing that, I also realize that I still have a long way to go on my journey.

  4. Vishwa...Your writing has gotten so much better of the course of knowing you, for what? 4 years?, or is it that you have given more of yourself, so it casts the illusion of getting better.;-)

    I used to have so much wonder in my eyes, but in my quest for knowledge, I have lead myself down the path of the ego, which has brought me at the crossroads of thinking I know how things are and work but also the path of excepting that maybe I don't really know it all.

    I think that's what college/university does for a lot of people; Builds up a confidence in a talent or a work ethic that you either run with or then realize the lessons learnt in school curiously don't match up with the "Reality" of how things work, on a mundane day-to-day basis.

    I have gone away from my spiritual core, or rather turned away from it, in hopes of some sort of normalcy, living grounded, like a human being. But really, my perception is not grounded, but airy and free and spirited, and I should really accept the fact that I have never really felt attached to my body(I have, since the age of 10, felt out of my body).

    Well, just over 24 hours ago, I lost one of my best companion, my cat Salt and he died in my arms. I am trying my best to deal with the grief that I am feeling, as well as be supportive for not only Jassen, but for Pepper, Salt's sister, as she is getting to a weird point of confusion and wondering where Salty is.

    I use to believe in the after life and spirits, and I know I have seen my fair share, of deceased family checking up on me and sometimes passed animals that were in my life, but I feel so disconnected from myself, although it might sound silly. I want to find the essence of me, untouched by time.

    This knock on the cheek and blow to my heart, I want to use to katupult into a positive.

    Sorry to dump this on you, but I feel that you are a person, a fellow soul that can relate, always have.

  5. Jen...I'm so sorry for the departure of your dear friend, salt. Your words carry the grief of this loss and I know, personally how huge this burden is, how big a hole it leaves in ones heart. My prayers are with you, jassen and Pepper.
    Yes, you've expressed so aptly, that suffering can lead one to great insights, to illumination--if we allow it. My sincere hopes and wishes that you may be lead on a path to find yourself.

    Four years flew in 4 moments, Jen. You were a few of my first commentors(along with Nick and Val),who're still checking on me even now(and not bored with my rants). Its so nice to have you here. :-)

  6. Hey Vishwa....

    Just loved your third paragraph... so beautifully written..... well He is still my invisible friend whom I talk, quarrel, sympathise, argue and you know the rest........

    But if people are lucky then God is with them. Luck is god's blessings..

    Just loved this one.....


  7.'re you? Thanks for visiting :-)

    Nick, Tabor, Meena....thanks.