Saturday, July 05, 2014

This Mountain....

 There's this small hillock. It's very small...anyone can climb it. In fact, I have climbed and played all over it as a small kid. But somewhere along the way I got busy and stopped visiting it. Years later I come walking this way and the hillock is there...bang in the middle of the road....and its no longer small. Its grown into a huge mountain. Gigantic and awe-inspiring. One look at it and I realise that I can't climb it. I leave the main road and find some smaller path and walk off.

 I leave the mountain...but the mountain doesn't leave me. I think that I've escaped it, but no, it doesn't let me escape. Wherever I go, whichever road I take, somewhere the mountain appears. And stands there, mocking at me. Blocking my view of the horizon. Challenging me. I make feeble attempts to climb it and fall down and hurt myself. And excuse myself and escape. Again and again.

 Its a cat and mouse game. 'Climb me,' the mountain says in my dreams. 'I'll promise you a spectacular view'. I give no shit. I'm not interested. I'm happy with my small secure existence on the ground. Mountains are not for everyone...I reason. I love my non-mountaineous life. fate is tied to the mountain. Wherever I go, whatever I do...I can't escape this mountain. The more I avoid it, the more huge it grows...eating away at my small pathways...making it more and more difficult for me to live on my ground. 'At some point you have to climb me,' the mountain warns, but with an affectionate smile. 'Don't be scared...try once'.

 I'm tired of escaping it all my life. I almost got killed trying to flee this mountain. I missed so much in life owing to this fear of climbing, this fear of falling, this fear of injury. day, when the mountain stands in my way again, I take a rope from my fellow travellers and start the climb. Its a gigantic steep cliff...and I'm scared to death just looking at the sheer height and expanse of the hard rocks. 'Go on,' my friends egg me from below. Holding my thumping heart, I attempt the climb. First few nervous, helpless steps...I find a good foot hold...and all of a sudden, there's a shift in the energies! Something has skipped a beat somewhere!! The mountain is no longer gigantic and imposing. It's bloody mellowing down!!! And I'm no longer the scared to death adult...but am growing up into the joyful, adventurous kid who would swing on the hillocks!!!

 Imagine a huge burden which you've been carrying for a long time...and you just keep it down. Or it evaporates and in a moment, you're set free. Have you watched the movie, 'The Pursuit of happyness'? There's a scene at the end where Will Smith gets confirmed on his job after months and months of struggle and hardships...and suddenly all his worries vanish..and he can't take it, he can't believe it. He rushes down to the pavement and stands there, in the middle of a stream of people, unable to believe what's happening, not knowing how to express his absolute joy, exhilaration, bewilderment...oh've to watch it. You have to watch that scene after watching the entire movie...and if you don't have goosebumps...if you don't have a lump in your throat...I bet you aren't human.

 I am experiencing what he experienced. That tiny moment of absolute relaxation and relief. Of having stepped over my fear of the mountain. And the Mountain is mellowing and smiling. I'm the joyous kid, re-learning my ropes. This tremendous freedom...this weight off my heart...I dunno how to contain it. I don't know.