Sunday, April 21, 2013

Reflective.....


Bewarsi is a lovely word which I remember using at a very young age. It means ‘lawaris’ or orphan----someone whose ancestry /parentage is questionable. Quite a strong word to address someone with. So you could imagine the horrified dirty looks one would receive by way of using this soft word. My mom would run behind us, broomstick in hand, whenever we abused someone calling them bewarsi.

Off late we use such cuss words in abandon, not to abuse or insult but with great love and affection. So God becomes God baddi maga (son of the gun). Jesus is a munde ganda (widow-lover) and immediately you have people who love him at my throat asking, ‘how can you use such abusive words for him?’ It’s as if Christ belongs exclusively to them and you dare not lift a finger against him. Take it to an extreme and you have hero-worship of movie stars and a ‘Satanic Verses’ earning a death penalty to its author.

Possessive love which perceives insults...or carefree love which accommodates! You know which destroys and which nurtures. How do you accommodate those who get worked up at your carefree love?  ‘Connect to your inner-self and you have all the answers’ is the most profound advice. I go within to connect but my inner bewarsi is in a deep slumber! The more I ping him, the more blankness arises so I leave it at that.

We are finally saying goodbye to our Car. And it’s not been easy! This maroon Matiz was a part of our lives for the past 8 years, standing witness to our joys and sorrows, a silent participant in the flow our lives. Giving it away is like giving away a part of your memory, a slice of your life-stream. There is heavy-heartedness! And I know for sure that the consciousness at the centre of this machine—the personality of this car.....it too feels, it has its emotions and language---maybe radically different from ours. Maybe it’s feeling down for leaving us, or maybe joyful for the next step of its life. Or maybe it is tired and worn out....and just wants to rest and let go!

I have a final theory about her....that she’s not one but two people. The loving, humble, ever-smiling and expansive-as-the-sky darling that I knew for long....that was one person. Then the scheming, arrogant, mean-hearted devil she became—it wasn’t the same person but someone else. Maybe a walk-in who kicked out the noble soul and took its place. Such a dramatic transformation, and you can’t help but think that the angel finished its work and left...and the devil took its place.

So while I love the angel, I despise the devil. Or...thinking about the devil makes my blood boil but the angel’s memories are soothing. Fucking duality!

There is an intense desire...to transcend the ordinariness of this life. To come out of the routine. To take a paradigm leap and look at life anew. To be free from the clutches of time and step into the dimension of Timelessness! To move from being a cog in the machine to becoming a co-creator of one’s own life! To experience pure Bliss! And unconditional Love! And one’s connection to the Source!

The desire is to do it NOW. Or rather, be all these....this moment!

8 comments:

  1. Odd how we imprint the events of our lives on an object that is with us for some time and how we mourn its loss. I am sure it does not mourn the loss of us!

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    1. That's what makes us human. We feel not only for our fellow humans but also for other living beings, objects, places, even ideas. And I'm sure this response is mutual though we're blind to it---every particle and atom in this Universe vibrates with consciousness and awareness!!! Existence is always alive. :-)

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    2. So true Vishwa. Everything THROBS with life ;-)

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  2. The car.. Touch it.. feel it, thank it and say Good bye ! See u around ! Adkyakri gulloo anta althira ?? olle karma !!! If ur blood boils at the devlish side of HER...sumne nimge kashta ! Tannage koothkolodu kaliri.
    Duality...! Dude u wanted to be here in duality and u have got it !
    Inner bevarsi..hmm :-) The force of the deisre alone is enough to manifest what u desire. My best wishes.
    Nice write up !

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    1. Jo Khoon nahi khoala...woh khoon nahi paani hai (The blood that doesn't boil isn't blood but water). Thannage koothiro bewarsigalindane ee sthithi bandirodu...hehehe

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    2. Illa sir..Neevu sumne koothko bedi. thaka thaka anta kuniri !! :-D...
      About this blood..well..what an old dialogue from some hindi amitabh movie ankothini ;-) copy cat.

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  3. Full of insights as always! Last para is so touching... :)

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  4. Well said. I, too, unfortunately have the desire to do it all now.

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